


Serendipity

by englishstrawbie



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Missing Scene, Sexy Times, Strong Female Characters, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/englishstrawbie/pseuds/englishstrawbie
Summary: A chance meeting at a bar leads to these two idiots falling in love. Follows canon and fills in the gaps of their relationship that we didn't get to see on screen.
Relationships: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 145
Kudos: 616





	1. The Unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> You don’t find love, it finds you. It’s got a little bit to do with destiny, fate and what’s written in the stars.  
> \- Anaïs Nin

Maya swirls the whiskey around her glass, the ice cubes rattling against each other. She lifts it to her lips and takes a sip. She doesn’t really like the taste, but she enjoys the sensation of the cool liquid burning her throat. Her shoulders are sore from the tension they carry and all she wants is for her body to relax, but she can’t because the camping trip was a disaster, everyone is pissed at her, and she feels like she’s failing. She fought so hard for the captain’s job. She’s proud of herself, her dad is proud of her; she wants so hard to make it a success but she doesn’t know how.

She takes another swig of her drink. She thought the hustle and bustle of Joe’s Bar would lift her, but all it does is make her feel more lonely. Coming here was a mistake and she figures she’ll finish her drink and go home.

She is lost in her thoughts when she becomes aware of a woman sitting down next to her. Her ears pick up a thick European accent as she orders a white wine, although the bar is too noisy for Maya to work out where she’s from. She can’t help but glance across at the stranger and she is immediately struck by her beauty. Maya sees the woman start to turn towards her and she looks back down at her glass to avoid eye contact, not in the mood for social interaction.

Carina notices her straight away, her thick blonde hair and soft features, and she is sure that she has seen this woman somewhere before. Her brow is crinkled with a frown and she looks a little sad, and Carina wonders what could have happened to turn such a pretty face so serious.

“You look familiar,” Carina says, hoping to draw her into a conversation.

Maya looks up at her. “Oh, I drink here a lot,” she says with a polite smile.

Carina studies her as she tries to place her. “Uh no,” she muses, drumming her fingers against the edge of the bar. “Were you at the hospital earlier?”

“Yeah, I was,” Maya says, wondering how she was going to explain that story. “I’m a firefighter. I was, um… bringing something.”

It only takes a moment before Carina realises who she is. “Oh my god!” she cries. “Yes! You were the one who ran in with the nose!”

Her enthusiasm is infectious and Maya laughs. “Yeah.” She holds out her hand. “Captain Maya Bishop.”

She doesn’t know why she introduces herself with such formality and feels her cheeks flush a little.

“Doctor Carina DeLuca.”

She speaks fast and Maya finds herself staring.

“Well okay, if I buy you a drink, would you tell me the story of how you ended up carrying a nose in a plastic bag?” Carina asks.

Maya feels her defence mechanisms go up. “I’m sorry, I’m drinking alone tonight,” she says, the polite smile returning to her face before she goes back to her drink.

“Okay,” Carina says, although she’s not ready to give up just yet. She leans forward against the bar and turns. “Are you sure?” she asks slowly.

Maya turns to look at her again. She’s hot and has a smile that lights up her face. Her intentions are clear and Maya figures it’s been a while since she indulged in some self-care. Carina is watching her and Maya feels her skin turn pink under her gaze. Maya looks her up and down, and smiles genuinely this time.

“Maybe not.”

Carina smiles. “Same again?” She points at Maya’s glass.

Maya shakes her head and pushes her drink away. “You know, a glass of wine would be great.”

Carina orders her a glass of wine, then spins to face her, waiting expectantly. “So…?”

Maya launches into the story about the camping trip, the early morning disruption, the encounter with the bear and her cub, and the race to catch up with the ambulance. Carina listens intently, reacting to every twist in the tale with a smile or a laugh or a gasp.

“You ran all that way?” she says, her eyes wide.

“It wasn’t that far,” Maya says with a nonchalant shrug.

“You must be very fit.”

There’s a flirtation to everything Carina says and Maya finds her eyes drifting to her lips every now and again. She’s pretty sure Carina has noticed, too.

“I used to run competitively,” Maya says.

“At school?”

Maya nods. “And afterwards for a while.”

She is purposefully vague and Carina looks at her curiously. “What are you, an Olympic athlete or something?” she jokes. She has heard that there is an Olympian-turned-firefighter at one of the firehouses in Seattle.

Maya turns red. She is never usually shy with telling people about her gold medal and she’s not sure what it is about this woman that makes her feel coy.

Carina’s face lights up. “Oh my god!” she cries. “You are kidding, no?”

“I won the 10,000 metres at the 2012 Olympics,” Maya says.

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Carina says, clearly impressed. “I only run when I’m being chased.”

Carina winks playfully and revels in the sound of Maya’s laugh. She had come to Joe’s for a quick drink after work, hoping for some light conversation with a colleague, before heading home. She had not planned on spending her evening engrossed in conversation with a hot firefighter but she was glad for it. Maya is interesting, a little hard to read at times but Carina is drawn to her and wants to get to know her better.

“So what made you give up running and become a firefighter?” Carina asks.

“Injury,” Maya answers. “My ankle. I was a distance runner but I wasn’t going to be able to run that far again. Not competitively, at least.”

“And you chose to become a firefighter?”

“It’s physical, and hard work, and important,” Maya says. “I like it.”

“You must be very good at it to be captain,” Carina says.

Maya drops her eyes. She can’t bear to tell her how badly it’s going.

“Are you going to ask me questions all evening or are you going to tell me about you?” she says, changing the subject.

If it’s obvious, Carina doesn’t say anything, she only laughs.

“What do you want to know?” Carina asks, smiling as she tips her head to one side.

“Well, you’re clearly not from around here,” Maya says. She narrows her eyes as she tries to place the accent. “Italian?”

“Si!” Carina says happily. 

“When did you come to America?”

“Three years ago,” Carina answers. “To visit my brother.”

“He lives in Seattle?”

Carina nods. “He is a doctor also, at Grey-Sloan.”

A memory pops up in Maya’s mind. “DeLuca! Of course,” she says. She had thought she had heard that name before. 

“You know him?”

“He was on the scene with us last year when we were looking for a kid in the sewers.” They hadn’t really spoken, but she remembers him. They had been introduced as they stood waiting for the davit to be set up to send the ring down to Max. She frowns. “But wait, why do you sound so Italian and he doesn’t?”

“Our parents split up when we were children. Our Mama left Italy and came to America. She took Andrea with her, but I stayed in Italy with Papa,” Carina explains. Her tone is matter-of-fact and not unfriendly, but even Maya can tell that it is not a story that Carina wants to dwell on.

“Andrea?” she questions with raised eyebrows.

Carina smiles. “Andrew,” she corrects herself.

“Do you miss Italy?”

“Oh yes, very much,” Carina says. “The landscape, the beaches, the food, the wine – all of it.” She becomes misty-eyed, smiling fondly as she thinks about her home country. “There is a coffee shop on Jeremy Street that makes its espresso with my favourite Italian beans. It is the only place in Seattle.”

She looks at Maya. “Have you been?”

“To the coffee shop?”

Carina laughs. “No, to Italy.”

“Oh,” Maya says, flushed with embarrassment. “No, I haven’t.”

“One day you must go,” Carina says. “It is beautiful.”

An idea comes to her mind. “Are you hungry?”

“What?” Maya asks, confused.

“Are you hungry?” Carina repeats.

“I… it’s almost ten o’clock,” Maya says.

“So? Come on, let’s go!” Carina says. She grabs her jacket from where it hangs on the next stool and gestures at Maya to follow her.

Maya gapes at her. “Where are you going?”

“ _We’re_ going,” Carina corrects her. “You’ll see, come on!”

Maya thinks she’s crazy, yet for some reason she feels compelled to follow her. She throws some money down on the bar as a tip and nods her thanks to the barman, before following Carina outside.

“Where are we going?” she calls out.

“So many questions,” Carina teases her. She stops, reaches out and grabs Maya’s hand, and tugs her along. “Come, bella.”

They don’t walk far, just a couple of blocks, before they reach a small Italian restaurant called _Little Roma_. From the outside, it doesn’t look like much and not the kind of place that Maya would choose to walk in to. She looks through the window to see that there are only a few patrons left, nursing coffee or a digestivo. 

“Here?” Maya says, taking in the shabby linens and peeling paint.

Carina smiles knowingly. “Trust me.”

They step inside where they are greeted by a waiter. Carina converses with him in Italian and Maya quickly realises that Carina is known to them.

“Maya, this is Luca. Luca, this is Maya,” Carina introduces them.

“Buonasera, signora,” Luca says, with a small bow.

Maya smiles. “Good evening,” she says.

He directs them to a small table in the corner. Carina orders for them, speaking in her native tongue. She talks even faster in Italian than she does in English, and Maya has no idea what to expect when their food comes.

“Why here?” Maya asks curiously when they are left alone.

“It serves the best Italian food in Seattle,” Carina answers.

Maya looks unconvinced.

“Trust me,” Carina says again. She slides her hand across the table and places it over Maya’s, wrapping her fingers around her palm. It’s the smallest of gestures, but Maya feels her skin tingle. She is usually the one in control in these situations, but she is well and truly captured under Carina’s spell.

“You keep saying that,” she says softly.

Carina grins. This is her favourite spot in Seattle and the only place (other than in the company of her brother) that feels like home in this foreign city. She has never shared it with anyone else, least of all a woman she has only known for a couple of hours. She can’t explain why she decided to bring Maya here or why she wants to share a piece of herself with this stranger.

Luca is back quickly, carrying a tray of food and drink. He places two glasses of wine on the table, a Sangiovese, one of Carina’s favourite grapes. Four plates follow.

“Tiramisu, cannoli, panna cotta and bomboloni,” he explains as he places each dish on the table. “Buon appetite!”

Carina takes a sip of her wine, a satisfied smile passing her lips. “Hmm.” She raises her glass. “Cheers!”

Maya reciprocates. “Cheers.” She looks down at the food between them. “So, which one do you recommend?”

“All of them!” Carina says. “But you should save the tiramisu for last, otherwise the taste of coffee will overpower the others.” She pushes the panna cotta forwards. “Start with this one.”

They tuck into the desserts, an easy conversation flowing between them.

“When I was younger, my Nonna would make cannoli every Sunday after Church,” Carina says, as she sinks her teeth into the crispy shell.

“Nonna is your grandma, right?”

“Si,” Carina says, with a nod of her head. “We would all squeeze into her home – my parents, my brother, our aunts and uncles, our cousins.”

“Do you have a big family?” Maya asked.

“Three aunts, four uncles, nine cousins.”

“Wow!” Maya exclaims.

“Your family is small?”

“I have a brother, Mason, but… we’re not close. My father is an only child, my mom has a sister, my Aunt Bess. She has one child, my cousin, Tom,” Maya says. “I think it sounds great, having such a big family.”

Carina picks up on the wistful tone in her voice and a hint of jealousy.

“Hmm, not when you lose every weekend to babysitting duties,” she laments. She pushes another plate towards her. “Try the bomboloni, they are Andrea’s favourite.”

It doesn’t take them long to polish off the desserts and the wine.

“That was amazing!” Maya declares, sinking back into her chair.

Carina smiles at her smugly. “I told you, best Italian food in the city.”

“And you were right,” Maya admits.

“Then we should come back here for dinner one day,” Carina says.

_A date?_

Maya feels her walls building up again. She was looking for a bit of self-care, nothing more. Except the thought of a date causes a little flutter in her belly, enough to knock that wall back down a little, and she can’t help but smile. She is just about to accept the invitation when Luca interrupts them.

“Signoras, I am sorry, we are closing. The check,” he says, placing it on the table between them.

They both automatically reach for their own purse.

“Please, bella, my gift,” Carina says.

Maya opens her mouth to object, but Carina waves her hand dismissively.

“You can pay for dinner,” she says with a mischievous smile.

She’s not giving up on that date.

“Deal,” Maya says.

Carina pays and they grab their jackets, making their way to the door. Carina calls out her thanks to the chef, falling back into Italian. Luca gives them another small bow as they step outside.

The night is cooler now and Maya feels a shiver down her spine, except she’s not sure if it’s because of the chill in the air or because Carina has her hand on the small of her back, guiding her out onto the sidewalk. She stops and turns. The whiskey, wine and fresh air makes her head a little woozy, and okay maybe she’s a little bit dizzy from the fact that Carina is so close to her and she is overwhelmed by the scent of her perfume.

“You okay?” Carina asks.

Maya nods. “This was… great,” she says, silently cursing herself for being so inarticulate. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

Carina smiles. “Well, the evening isn’t over yet,” she purrs, closing the gap between their bodies.

She dips her head so that it is only inches away. Maya can smell the coffee and red wine on her breath. Carina murmurs something that she doesn’t quite catch.

“Hmm?”

“Baciami.”

She doesn’t give Maya the chance to ask what it means. She presses her lips against Maya’s, gently at first and quickly becoming more urgent. She runs her tongue over Maya’s lips. Maya is quick to respond, opening her mouth and snaking her tongue around Carina’s. Maya smiles into their kiss as she hears a soft moan. She runs her hands around Carina’s hips and pushes her backwards until her back connects with a nearby lamppost. Carina’s hands are in her hair, her fists curled, giving a gentle tug.

Maya is pretty sure she’s never been kissed like this on a first date before.

Carina is the first to pull away. She’s breathless, her eyes dark with lust.

“My house is only a few blocks away,” she says.

Maya looks at her, her eyes dropping to her lips, still dizzy. She knows how this goes, she’s done it so many times before. She’ll go back to Carina’s house and she’s pretty sure the sex will be amazing. She’ll wake up early the next morning and sneak out before Carina is awake, telling herself that it’s better that way. She hates the awkward conversation the morning after.

It’s tempting, she can’t deny it. Carina is hot and Maya already feels the tension leaving her body under her touch.

Except there’s something in her head telling her that this isn’t the way she wants this to play out. She doesn’t want Carina to be just another night of self-care. 

“I… I have an early shift tomorrow,” she lies.

Carina doesn’t try to hide her disappointment. “Oh.”

She runs her thumb over Maya’s lips and leans in, sinking her teeth into her top lip.

“Are you sure?”

Maya wants to say no, she’s not sure at all, but her head outweighs her heart, and she nods her head dumbly.

Carina looks at her curiously. She’s had all the signs that this evening was going to end differently, and she wonders what it is that is making Maya pull away.

Maya can feel Carina studying her and she doesn’t like it; she doesn’t like it when people try to get inside of her head. She grabs the lapels of Carina’s jacket and pulls her close to distract her with another kiss. It works. She feels Carina’s hands slide around her waist and tug on her hips, pulling her in closer. They move down over her ass and she feels Carina giggle against her lips.

Before Maya realises what she is doing, Carina swipes her cellphone from her back pocket and slides out of her embrace.

“Hey!” Maya grumbles.

Carina holds the phone out between them. “Open it.”

Maya frowns, confusion on her face. Carina rolls her eyes. “Open it,” she says again.

Maya complies, holding her thumb over the home button. Carina goes straight to her contacts list and types in her name and number.

“Call me, let me know when you’re free for dinner,” she says.

She walks forwards until they are standing shoulder to shoulder. She hands Maya her cellphone before leaving a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Until next time.”

Maya watches her as she walks towards the road, hailing a cab quickly. Her body shivers, missing the warmth that Carina gave her when she was pressed against her. She looks down at her phone and smiles knowing that she has Carina’s number. She thinks about texting her straight away but it feels too desperate, too needy.

It is going to take all her willpower to play this one cool.


	2. Play It Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way your lips produce the sound of my name makes me lose it every time.  
> \- Ky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was created from the deleted scene from Grey's Anatomy, episode 16x14. Stefania recently said that it was an alternative scene to the bar scene, but I've had this scenario in my head for months and decided to keep it as an additional part of their story.

Maya wakes late. It is unusual for her to sleep in these days, her mind always working overtime and keeping her from a proper night’s rest. It’s the first time in a long while that she wakes feeling refreshed and without the weight of her recent promotion resting heavy on her chest. There’s a smile on her face before she even opens her eyes.

Her eyelids flutter and she is immediately blinded by the bright light of her bedroom, so she quickly closes them again. The sun is creeping in through a small crack in the curtains and creates a lightning strike across her bed sheets. She rolls over so that her body lays in its warmth, her face buried deep in the soft pillow beneath her.

Her body starts to wake up slowly. She flexes her feet first before stretching her legs long, followed by the rest of her body. She lets out a contented sigh.

Her mind wanders to last night and her encounter with Carina. She thinks about how a simple curiosity about the bear attack led to a late indulgence of desserts and ended with one hell of a make out session.

Maya isn’t sure she has ever been so captivated by another person before. She is used to being the instigator, the confident one. Except after the weekend camping trip, every ounce of confidence had been beaten out of her with every thud of her feet on the cold, hard ground as she had chased after the ambulance. Carina had a self-assurance that she envied and it had been easy to be in her company for the evening. She was charming and funny – and not to mention beautiful.

Maya runs her tongue over her lips, remembering how it felt to have Carina’s mouth on hers. There is a little bit of regret in the back of her mind about saying no to Carina’s invitation to go home with her and worry sets in that saying no might have upset her. Not that she showed it, Carina had acted so cool with the way she had stolen her cellphone and typed in her number.

A smile passes over Maya’s lips at the memory. She rolls over onto her back and reaches for her phone, running runs through her contact list until she reaches her name.

_Carina DeLuca._

Maya remembers the way her name had rolled off her tongue as Carina introduced herself, the way she smiled, the way her eyes pierced through her. She rolls her own eyes at herself. When did she become this soft?

She opens up her messages and starts to type.

_Hey._

That’s it, that’s all she’s got. Everything that comes to mind sounds lame and Maya has more game than that.

An hour later and Maya is showered, dressed and on her way to the hospital. It’s a forty minute walk from her apartment and she takes the route via Jeremy Street. She remembers Carina mentioning a coffee shop, but doesn’t remember its name. There are three coffee shops and of course the one she is looking for is the third one she tries. She orders two cappuccinos, asking especially for the Italian coffee beans, because she figures she might as well see why Carina likes it so much. She pauses just outside the coffee shop and takes a sip from her cup. It’s smooth and bitter – and it’s really good.

Maya quickens her pace to get to the hospital, wanting to deliver the coffee while it’s still hot. As she approaches, she realises she has no idea where to find Carina inside. Most of her visits have been to the emergency room and there have been a few times she has found herself in a surgical waiting room. She doesn’t even know what kind of medicine Carina practices. She curses herself for not asking more questions last night.

She steps inside the pit and immediately into chaos. There are gurneys everywhere, victims of a multi-vehicle accident. She manoeuvres her way to the admissions desk.

“Excuse me,” she says politely to the nurse, “…could you tell me where to find Doctor DeLuca please?”

The nurse tips her head to a side room. “He’s in with a patient, can I take a message?”

“Oh, I mean the other Doctor DeLuca,” Maya says. “Carina.”

“Are you here for an appointment or is it an emergency?”

“Oh, uh, neither.”

Before Maya can say anything else, the phone starts to ring. The nurse calls out to a nearby doctor – Schmitt? – and asks him to help before answering the call.

“Doctor DeLuca’s office is on the fourth floor,” the young doctor says, guiding her to the elevators and hitting the button for her. “Take a right once you get there, down the corridor, third door on the left. Do you know the sex?”

Maya’s eyes widen. “What?”

“The baby, boy or girl?” Dr Schmitt asks, oblivious to her surprise.

“I… I’m not…”

There is a ping and the elevator door opens. Maya steps inside.

“Well congratulations!” Dr Schmitt says cheerily.

“Thanks,” Maya says dumbly, grateful when the door closes.

She heads straight to the fourth floor, as instructed, and steps out into a much calmer atmosphere. Calm, that is, until she hears a woman screaming in labour in a nearby room.

 _‘That explains the baby question,’_ Maya thinks to herself.

She pauses. Did he say right or left?

It doesn’t matter, she hears Carina before she sees her; the melodic lilt of her Italian accent travelling to her from around the corner. Maya takes a few steps forwards and pauses, looking around the wall. Carina is stood at the nurses’ station, her back to Maya. She is resting against the desk, her head lowered as she flips through a patient’s chart. Her dark hair hangs around her face and Maya watches as she runs her hand through it and lets it fall to one side. Maya can just see her face and she notices how serious Carina looks as she studies the medical records in front of her – so different from the care free woman who took her on a whim to her favourite Italian restaurant within hours of them meeting.

Maya straightens her shoulders and lifts her chest a little, walking over to the nurses’ station with a confident step.

“Hi,” she says, a little too loudly.

Carina looks over her shoulder and immediately smiles when she sees her, spinning around to face her.

“Maya!”

There is something about the way she says her name that makes Maya’s stomach flip.

“What are you doing here?”

“I figured you might want a caffeine fix after staying out so late last night,” Maya says, holding out the coffee cup.

Carina’s face lights up when she sees the familiar name of her favourite coffee shop on the side of the cup. “My favourite! You remembered?”

Maya shrugs nonchalantly. “I was paying attention.”

Carina takes a sip of the cappuccino. “Mmm, so good.” She points at Maya’s coffee cup. “You like it?”

“Yeah, you were right, it’s good,” Maya says.

Carina grins cockily. “I’m right about a lot of things.”

Maya is still charmed by her, only without the alcohol running through her blood, she’s a little bit more in control of her reaction and this time she laughs. 

“So you deliver babies, huh” Maya says, gesturing around the labour ward.

“I’m an OBGYN,” Carina says. “Delivering babies is just part of my job. Like putting out fires is only part of your job as a firefighter.” She looks up and down at Maya’s casual appearance. “Speaking of your job, I thought you had work today, no?”

Carina spies her suspiciously and Maya blushes.

“I lied,” Maya admits, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them.

Carina raises her eyebrows curiously, but doesn’t look surprised. If she was offended by Maya’s admission, it wasn’t apparent.

“I figured I should take you out on a date first.” Maya tips her head to one side. “How about this Friday?”

Carina smiles. “I’m free on Friday. Back to _Little Roma_ , si?”

“Actually, I thought I’d take you to _my_ favourite restaurant in Seattle,” Maya says, stepping forwards and closing the gap between them. “It’s small… dark… never too busy.” She drops her eyes to Carina’s lips, not-so-subtly. “Perfect for getting to know each other better.”

She looks up again and sees Carina smiling at her, clearly enjoying Maya’s directness. 

“Are you going to tell me the name of this place?” Carina asks.

Maya shakes her head playfully. “It’ll be a surprise.”

A smile teases her lips. Carina isn’t the only one who can be charming.

Carina steps closer so that there is only an inch of space between them and Maya feels her stomach flip again.

“I like surprises,” Carina says softly.

Maya’s eyes drop to her lips again and she thinks about kissing her, except this is Carina’s work and Maya isn’t into public displays of affection. She lets out a frustrated sigh instead.

“Doctor DeLuca, Ms Collins’ chart,” a nurse interrupts from behind the desk.

Carina shoots her an apologetic look and Maya steps backwards reluctantly.

“I should go. You have work to do,” Maya says. “So, Friday?”

“Friday,” Carina says with a resolute nod of her head.

She smiles brightly and, God, Maya wants to kiss her.

“I’ll text you where and when,” Maya says.

“Si, because I don’t actually have your number!” 

Carina crinkles her nose in annoyance, causing Maya to laugh.

“You will soon,” she says, turning on her heel and walking away.

“When?” Carina calls out after her.

“Soon,” Maya says without turning around, disappearing around the corner.

The elevator doors have barely closed before she caves and sends Carina a message.

_My number… just in case you want some company on your next break. Maya xx_

She taps her phone impatiently, hoping for a quick reply.

So much for playing it cool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending of this chapter caused me a lot of grief, so I hope it works. You have all been so kind with your comments and messages so far, and I wanted to say a big thank you! It always makes me smile to get a comment notification in my inbox. :)


	3. Winter Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can talk to hundreds of people in one day, but none of them compare to the smile you can give me in one minute.  
> \- Unknown

Carina stands by the window and watches the snow fall. The severity of Seattle winters is something she has grown accustomed to over the last three years, but she has never seen it this thick and it fascinates her

Snow in Italy is rare, except for in the mountains, even on the coldest of winter days. She had been eight years old the first time she had seen snow, an impromptu trip to Milan in December with her aunt and cousins. Her mom had left for America with her brother just a few months earlier and, with Christmas looming, Carina’s aunt had wanted to treat her.

Carina still remembers the contrast between the bright white snow and the coloured fairy lights that adorned every shop window. She remembers standing outside the Duomo, ignoring the tourists who were intent on only seeing the magnificent cathedral through the lens of their cameras, and tilting her head upwards, watching the snow fall thick and fast. It had seemed so magical to her. Snowflakes had landed in her hair and on her eyelashes. She had opened her mouth and let it fall on her tongue, her first taste.

There is still a magic to it, all these years later.

Carina’s phone buzzes in her pocket and she extracts it, her face lighting up when she sees Maya’s name. The snow had dashed their plans for a first date. Last night’s dinner had been postponed until today, but with the snow still falling fast and both of them stuck at work dealing with emergencies, they had put it off for a few days. Carina was disappointed. They had been exchanging flirty messages all week and she had been looking forward to seeing where the evening was going to lead this time.

Carina opens the message.

_Hey. Got time for a call? I’ve got a woman in labor and no way of getting her to the hospital._

Carina immediately dials her number.

“Hey,” Maya greets her warmly.

Carina hears her footsteps and then the click of a door closing.

“How’s it going where you are?”

“Busy,” Carina laments. “But we’re in control. What about you?”

“Chaos!” Maya says with a laugh. “It feels like half the city has come for shelter at the station.”

“And now you have a mama in labor?”

“JJ – she’s the girlfriend of one of my team,” Maya says.

“Have her waters broken?”

“Yes,” Maya answers. “All over the beanery floor.”

“How far apart are contractions?”

“Nine minutes.”

“How is she feeling?”

“Grumpy. Begging for an epidural,” Maya says. “But okay, I think.”

“It sounds like you’ve got a while to go,” Carina notes. “If she’s uncomfortable, try running her a warm shower. It should help her relax. It can also help to squeeze her hips during contractions to counter-balance the pain.”

“Okay, great, thanks,” Maya says.

Carina hears her let out a long sigh.

“Maya, are you okay?”

Maya pauses, the awkward conversation with Andy playing on her mind. “Just a lot going on,” she says eventually. “And I’m disappointed that we had to cancel dinner again tonight. I was looking forward to taking you out.”

Carina smiles. “Me too. And you still haven’t told me where you’re taking me!”

“I told you, it’s a surprise,” Maya teases.

She laughs when she hears a frustrated grumble from Carina. On Maya’s end, there’s a knock on the door and a low voice calling her away.

“I’d better go. Thanks for the advice.”

“Any time,” Carina says. “Call me if you have any more questions. Or, you know, if you want a distraction from the chaos.”

That makes Maya smile. “I’ll do that.”

They say goodbye and Carina turns back towards the window, although her mind is distracted from the snow.

“What’s got you grinning like a Cheshire cat?” comes a voice from behind her.

She turns to see Bailey watching her curiously.

“Nothing,” she says dismissively. She knows Maya works with Ben and figures she doesn’t want their – well, whatever they are – being the subject of gossip. “How can I help you, Doctor Bailey?”

“I could do with a consult in the pit, pregnant woman with abdominal pains,” Bailey says, thrusting a chart into Carina’s hands and turning on her heel, walking away and expecting Carina to follow.

* * * * * * * * * *

It’s two hours later when Carina hears from Maya again, this time a Facetime call grabbing her attention away from the chart she is reviewing.

“Bella!” Carina greets her with a wide smile. “How’s it going?”

Maya groans. “I don’t know how you do this every day.”

Carina laughs. “I’m happy to see your face,” she says fondly.

She is sure she can see Maya blushing.

“How’s the mama?”

“She’s okay. We tried the shower thing and Andy found her a yoga ball to sit on, but she’s still begging for an epidural,” Maya says. “She’s in so much pain and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Carina twists her lips thoughtfully, capturing Maya’s attention.

“You have an idea?”

“I do,” Carina says. “Masturbation.”

Maya almost drops her phone. “What?”

“Masturbation,” Carina says matter-of-factly.

Maya doesn’t say anything, but simply stares at her dumbfounded.

“Maya?”

Maya shakes her head vaguely. “What?”

Carina chuckles. “You know that blissed out feeling you have after orgasm?”

Yes, Maya is definitely blushing now.

“We commonly use synthetic oxytocin to induce labor when a mama is having a hard time,” Carina explains, “but our bodies create it naturally when we orgasm. I have seen a lot of women benefit from masturbation to relieve the pain of contractions and bring on delivery.”

“Right,” Maya says, because she doesn’t really know what to say.

“Trust me, Maya, it works. If JJ is struggling, it might help her.”

“Okay. I just… I’m not sure how I’m going to bring that up,” Maya muses.

Carina laughs again, as Maya shakes her head with amusement.

“You’ll figure it out. You’re doing good, Maya. It’s just a waiting game,” Carina assures her. “Basically, if mama’s relaxed and if you’re relaxed, there is really nothing to be done. Let nature do what it does.”

“Right, but I’m not relaxed at all,” Maya confesses. “And neither is she.”

Carina grins. “Don’t you run into burning buildings for a living?”

“Yes but I’m usually not running into burning buildings that have babies flying out of vaginas in them,” Maya says, as she swivels on her chair.

Carina laughs. “Well, first of all, babies don’t fly out, they slowly slide out and it is perfectly natural and beautiful – especially if you stay calm,” she reiterates.

Maya spins her chair again. “So, like, turn up the Enya?”

“Turn up the Enya, yes,” Carina says. “And Maya, I don’t know you all that well yet but it is plain to see that you’re excellent at everything you put your mind to - gold medals and fire captains and…”

“I’m good at a lot of things,” Maya interrupts flirtatiously.

“I have no doubt,” Carina says, becoming a little flustered. “Um, you can do this. I’m not worried about you or the mama.”

“Can I call you later and not talk about babies?” Maya says pointedly.

Carina enjoys her directness. “You can call me any time and talk about anything you want.”

Maya laughs.

It is Carina who is interrupted this time. A knock on the door draws her gaze away from the phone and she looks up to see Meredith peering in.

“Have you heard from Andrew?”

Carina frowns. “Isn’t he here at the hospital?”

The sombre expression on Meredith’s face tells her that something is wrong. She turns back to her phone.

“Maya, I have to go.” She paints a reassuring smile on her face. “You’ll be fine. Good luck and message me if you need me.”

She hangs up and follows Meredith out of the room, a heavy feeling in her stomach.

* * * * * * * * * *

Carina rolls her head in her neck, and sighs deeply. She has a backlog of charts to review and no inclination to do it. It’s late, her eyelids are heavy, and the couch in her office looks inviting. Except she knows that sleep won’t come easy tonight, her head too full of worry about her brother.

Andrew is resting upstairs, dozy from the heavy painkillers that Jackson has prescribed. He has been drifting in and out of a slumber for several hours and she prays that he will sleep. She feels helpless as she watches him decline. Their father was the same, always refusing to listen to Carina’s pleas to get help, just as Andrew had this afternoon. She had come to America for this reason, to be here for this moment, but even though she had seen it come, she still doesn’t feel prepared for it. Forcing help on him is the last resort she wants to rely on.

She picks up a chart from the top of the pile and opens it, hoping it will distract her. The letters are jumbled and she rubs her forehead wearily.

“Hey.”

Carina looks up to see Maya leaning against the door. Despite her exhaustion, Carina is happy to see her. She musters up the brightest smile that she can, hoping to match it with enthusiasm.

“Maya! You’re here late?”

“We had a call to retrieve a stranded bus. Some idiot thought that they could get through the snow,” Maya says, rolling her eyes. “There were a few minor injuries and it was a good excuse to stop by and see you.” She takes a step inside. “I’ve just been to see JJ and the baby, and one of the nurses told me I could find you here.”

The truth is, Maya had jumped at the excuse to get out of the station. The news about Pruitt’s cancer was weighing on her and, with the number of people seeking shelter at the station, there was nowhere to hide. The fact that the trip involved a visit to the hospital where Carina was working was an added bonus.

“I’m glad you did,” Carina says, standing up and walking around her desk, leaning against its hard edge.

Her eyes sweep up and down Maya’s body, realising that the distraction she needs is standing right in front of her. She holds out her hand. Maya slides her hand into it and allows Carina to tug her closer, her body falling between her legs. Carina slips her hands inside her coat and pushes it off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Carina’s lips find Maya’s immediately, her kiss desperate. Maya gets the feeling there is something behind it, but she doesn’t have chance to question it before Carina’s hands are sliding around her waist and pulling her hips closer. Carina feels a bolt of electricity shoot through her as their bodies crash together. Maya moans as Carina slips her tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss.

Carina feels the serotonin running through her body, her muscles relaxing under Maya’s touch as she runs her hands around her shoulders. Maya’s lips are soft, her kisses gentle, and she urges Carina to soften her embrace. 

“Are you okay?” Maya asks when they finally break apart.

Maya looks at her. Her eyes are kind, her features soft, and there’s a part of Carina that wants to fall apart right there. Except they haven’t even had a proper date and she doesn’t want to be that person. So, she doesn’t answer. Instead, she cups Maya’s face with her hand and runs her finger over her lips, pulling her closer once more. All she needs right now is a distraction.

“Baciami.”


	4. Cold Nights, Warm Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiss her until her mouth no longer knows how to ask you for more.  
> \- Jessica Katoff

Carina runs her fingers through her hair and curses under her breath. A last minute emergency c-section means that she no longer has time to go home in between work and dinner, which means that the dress she had picked out for her first official date with Maya would remain hanging up in her bedroom at home. At least she keeps a few spare outfits at the hospital just in case, although they are better suited to work than a date with a hot firefighter. Still, at least she’s not stuck with the same shirt she’s been wearing since 8.00am. She picks out a deep purple top with a plunging neckline and loose sleeves that bunch at her wrists. She tucks it into her pants to accentuate her slim waist and brushes her hair back over her shoulders.

She still has no idea where Maya is taking her or if her outfit is appropriate for her choice of restaurant, and she hopes she isn’t underdressed (or overdressed) for the occasion. 

Her phone pings with a message from Maya.

_In a cab, be there in five minutes._

Carina grabs her purse and jacket, and makes her way outside, avoiding the nurses’ station and any more distractions. She has been looking forward to this evening. It has been two weeks since she had met Maya at Joe’s and, with the snow now melted, she isn’t prepared to risk their date being delayed any more.

Spring is on its way, but while the days are warming up, the evenings are still chilly and Carina slips her jacket on before she goes outside. She isn’t waiting long before a taxicab pulls up and Maya steps out. Her eyes sweep up and down, taking in Carina’s appearance, and she smiles.

“You look great,” Maya says.

Maya holds the car door open for her and Carina is endeared by the chivalry. She walks towards the cab and pauses by Maya’s side.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Carina asks.

“You’ll see,” Maya answers. She tilts her head towards the car, inviting Carina to get in.

Carina narrows her eyes, but smiles, and drops a gentle kiss on her cheek. “You look great, too.”

She laughs as she gets into the car. She knows she’s charming and she intends on reminding Maya of that every chance she gets if it means the evening will end differently this time.

They make small talk in the cab, mostly about Carina’s day at work and Maya’s disastrous attempt at making banana bread on her day off, until they arrive at their destination. Maya pays the cab driver as Carina takes in her choice of restaurant, _The Everest_.

As Maya steps out of the cab, Carina looks at her curiously.

“Here?”

“Here,” Maya says with a smile. “Come on.”

They are directed to a table along the wall, a small booth where they sit side-by-side on a curved cushioned seat. The restaurant is darkly lit and a candle burns on their table. Paintings hang on every wall and they are draped with materials of dark reds and deep purples and warm greens. It’s cosy and romantic, and Carina feels immediately relaxed after a hectic day at work.

“This is your favourite restaurant in Seattle?”

Maya nods. “The food’s pretty great, but mostly it reminds me of a different time in my life,” she says.

Carina is curious to know why and she looks at Maya expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

“It was the year after I’d won the gold medal. I knew I couldn’t compete any more because of my ankle but I didn’t know what I was going to do instead. I guess I was a little lost. I had some money from some sponsorship deals and winning, so I went to Nepal for a month, did some travelling.”

“Did you climb the mountain?” Carina says, picking up the menu and gesturing to the picture of Mount Everest on the front.

“Only as far as base camp,” Maya said. “It was amazing. It was hard but I can still remember how it felt to have all that fresh air in my lungs, and to feel miles away from everyone and everything. It made me want to pack up and travel the world.”

“And did you?”

Maya’s smile is tinged with sadness. “No. My parents – my dad – wanted me to focus on a career. I went home and picked firefighting, and did just that. Focussed on my work.” She shakes off her sadness and smiles brightly. “And now I’m a fire captain.”

Carina looks at her and opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something, but their waiter chooses that moment to return and the moment is gone.

“May I take your order?”

They study the menu and order a selection of dishes between them together with a bottle of red wine. Maya learns that Carina stopped eating meat when she was six years old and realised that the beef in her Nonna’s lasagne came from cows. She had a fondness for the cattle in the nearby field and had been distraught for weeks. Growing up near the sea, she admits that she has never been able to give up fish or seafood. Maya makes a mental note to try out the new seafood restaurant near the port that was getting rave reviews (because she is already counting on a second date).

Carina learns that Maya’s favourite food is tacos, which makes Carina roll her eyes because tacos are basic and have no flare or skill, but Maya loves them because you can fill them with anything and so they never get boring. She resolves to invite Carina round for dinner and show her what she’s missing (because she wants a third date too).

The waiter soon returns with their wine and a selection of appetizers.

“You know, if you want to taste good food, you should go to South America,” Carina says, as she tucks into another prawn. “The best seafood I’ve ever had was in Chile.”

“Have you travelled a lot?” Maya asks.

Carina nods. “I love it. The world is so big and fascinating, don’t you think?”

Her eyes sparkle as she talks, lighting up her face, and Maya can’t help but get lost in them for a moment.

“I guess,” Maya says eventually. “I just haven’t done much of it, except for Nepal. And London, for the Olympics, but most of my time there was spent on the running track.”

“Well, you should,” Carina says.

Maya smiles. Carina makes it sound so simple, so possible. “To South America?”

“Everywhere! There’s so much to see,” Carina answers. “Tell me, Maya, if you could jump on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?”

“Oh, anywhere,” Maya says wistfully, thinking about the bucket list of countries that she has always wanted to visit. “Thailand, Paris, Japan…”

“Italy?” Carina teases.

Maya laughs. “Italy, yeah. But only if you agree to be my tour guide.”

She tips her head and smiles teasingly as she waits for Carina’s reply. Carina returns her smile.

“Bella, it would be my pleasure,” she says, leaning closer until their shoulders touch. “I know all the best places to take you. The quietest spots, the most secluded beaches.”

Maya’s cheeks flush pink as she wills herself to come up with a witty reply when all she really wants to do is kiss her, and she isn’t sure if she’s annoyed or grateful for the interruption from the waiter who chooses that moment to clear their table.

“So, how is your brother?” Maya asks, a little tentatively.

She doesn’t know much about what happened, except that Andrew got caught in the snow storm fetching a liver for an urgent organ transplant. There was something about the way Carina had looked that day in her office that concerned her and Maya gets the feeling there was more to the story than Carina has shared with her. She looks kindly at Carina, hoping she realises that she can be trusted with whatever is weighing on her heart.

Carina’s smile falters a little and she doesn’t try to mask it this time.

“He’s okay. His hands are healing, thanks to Jackson. He, uh, he has some other things that he’s dealing with,” Carina admits. “I’m trying to help him with that.”

She doesn’t elaborate and Maya doesn’t try to push her. It is their first date, after all.

“He’s lucky to have you nearby,” Maya says. She means it. She can’t help but think about her own brother, out there somewhere, probably on the streets with no-one to look out for him – a guilt that weighs on her all the time.

Carina twists her lips. “I’m not so sure about that,” she says. She thinks of the persistent bickering and frustration of the last week, and the constant feeling that she’s not doing enough, that she’s not a good enough sister.

“You’re here,” Maya says. She reaches out and takes Carina’s hand in hers, their fingers entwining, and she squeezes her hand comfortingly. “When you could be anywhere in the world, you chose to come here. I think that says a lot about who you are, and how much you care.”

Carina blinks back tears, obviously touched by the compliment. “Thank you.” Her tone switches to something more playful, but she doesn’t let go of Maya’s hand. “You may think differently when I finally kill him for always leaving his dirty dishes in the sink.”

Maya laughs. “It’s not going so well having him stay with you, huh?”

“No,” Carina says, shaking her head. “I love him but he drives me crazy.”

“Well… maybe a night away from him would be good for you.”

Carina’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “Are you propositioning me, Maya?” she asks with amusement.

“Yes,” Maya answers, no hint of teasing in her voice. She knows exactly how she wants this evening to end and hopes that Carina feels the same.

Carina understands the not-so-subtle hint and grins. She lifts her free hand and runs her finger along Maya’s jawline, tucking it under her chin. She places a soft kiss on Maya’s lips, smiling against her mouth. She tastes of spice and red wine, and there’s a part of Carina that wants to skip the rest of dinner and go home to Maya’s place right now. The words are about to tumble out of her mouth, but she is interrupted by the return of their waiter who delivers their dinner and she figures she’s just going to have to be patient.

The rest of their date is full of tales from their childhoods.

Carina learns that Maya broke her arm when she was ten years’ old after jumping off her bed and kicking her legs in the air, because she was obsessed with Sporty Spice and used to play the Spiceworld movie on repeat – much to the annoyance of her younger brother.

Maya learns that Carina ran away from home when she was six years’ old because her Mamma wouldn’t let her dress her barbie doll in boy clothes and she was outraged by the enforced stereotypes. 

Maya confesses that her first concert was Britney Spears and she still has her tour t-shirt at home somewhere – not that it fits any more.

Carina admits that she had a crush on her classmate, Matteo, when she was thirteen years old, and had got a job cleaning dishes at the bakery near his house on Saturdays because she knew he went there every weekend with his Papa.

They tell stories of their first kiss and first heartbreak, of first jobs and worst hangovers. Maya shares stories of some of their craziest rescues, while Carina keeps the mood light with the story of the young woman who visited her boyfriend in prison with a gun in her vagina.

The evening passes quickly and they are soon presented with the check.

“Hey, my turn, remember?” Maya says as Carina reaches for her purse.

“Okay,” Carina says in defeat. “Next time, I’ll take you to _Enzo’s_. Their risotto is almost as good as my Nonna’s.”

Maya feels her heart flutter at the thought of another date – which is so unlike her, but so much of how she feels when she is in Carina’s company is so unlike her and she’s getting used to it. She wonders sometimes what the team at 19 would think if they could see her like this, but they’re not exactly on good terms. It feels strange to have this huge thing going on in her life that they have no idea about.

Maya pushes those thoughts aside, not wanting her problems at work to ruin her good mood. She settles the bill and they walk outside into the cold night air.

Carina turns towards her, wrapping her jacket tighter to insulate her body. “So…”

She doesn’t want to be presumptive but is really hoping Maya’s invitation is still open.

“So…” Maya repeats, “…come home with me?”

Carina nods, barely hesitating before slipping her hands around Maya’s waist and pulling her close. She kisses her, not bothering to hide how much she wants her. She feels impatient and grumbles when Maya wriggles out of her grasp. Maya snickers at her frustration, stepping up to the road and hailing them a cab. Truth is, she feels just as impatient and is desperate to get home, to the privacy of her apartment. She gives the driver her address and slides into the backseat beside Carina.

Maya doesn’t know how she keeps her hands to herself in the back of the cab. All she can think about is that kiss, her mind wandering to what it will feel like to have Carina’s body pressed against hers; Carina’s hands slipping underneath her shirt and brushing against her skin; Carina’s lips on her neck and her teeth sinking into her skin.

She licks her lips instinctively and she’s sure she hears Carina chuckle. Carina’s hand is resting ever-so-slightly against her leg, and how every now and again she will edge it up her thigh, as if silently teasing her. Maya dares to look at her. It is dark, except for the intermittent glow of the street lamps that highlights her face. Maya feels a shift in her body and she’s pretty sure she is about to jump her in the back of the cab when it pulls up outside her apartment block.

Maya pulls twenty dollars out of her purse, thanks the driver and steps out of the cab where Carina is waiting for her on the sidewalk. The cold night air brings her out of her reverie, just enough to add a little swagger to her step as she closes the gap between their bodies. She can feel Carina’s warm breath on her skin, the smell of coffee lingering in the air between them.

Maya smiles. “It’s cold, we should go inside.”

She brushes past Carina as she walks towards the door, the physical contact having the desired effect when she sees Carina’s breath hitch. She grabs Carina’s hand and pulls her to follow.

Carina follows willingly. The elevator takes forever to arrive and Carina feels impatience building up inside of her once again. She can’t take her eyes off Maya, who smirks at her obvious thirst.

When the elevator doors open, Maya steps in first and leans against the back wall. Carina follows. She is just about to pin her against the railings when a man suddenly appears and steps inside. A low grumble escapes from Carina’s mouth as she spins round and smiles politely at him, causing Maya to giggle. If the man heard her, he doesn’t acknowledge it. He simply nods at Maya.

“Ms Bishop.”

Maya smiles back at him. “Hey Joe.”

The man – Joe – leans against the side wall of the elevator, looking forwards. Begrudgingly, Carina takes a step towards the other side, making space between them all, but Maya catches her belt and encourages her to shuffle backwards so that Maya is lightly pressed up against her back. Carina sinks her teeth into her bottom lip as Maya’s hands run over her hips and rest on her ass.

It takes what feels like forever for the elevator to reach the third floor, where Joe exits. As the doors close again, Carina spins around on the spot, each hand resting on the railings either side of Maya’s body.

“You’re a tease,” Carina says, her eyes narrowing.

Maya smirks. “Says you.”

She slips her hands around Carina’s waist and tugs her hips closer, leaning in to capture her in another kiss. Maya’s hands grip Carina’s top, pulling it loose so that she can find bare skin. She slips her hands underneath the delicate fabric and up her back, digging her fingertips into Carina’s skin. Carina groans into their kiss,

The elevator pings as they hit the sixth floor and they stumble out into the corridor, hands still exploring and lips still searching for each other. Maya guides them down the hallway to her front door.

“Need… find… keys,” she mumbles against Carina’s mouth.

She pulls back slightly, digging her hands into her pockets to retrieve her keys. Losing her mouth, Carina’s lips travel across Maya’s jawline and down her neck. Maya wants to tell her to be careful, she doesn’t want to have to explain any marks to her team tomorrow, but there is something about the way Carina nips and bites at her skin that she can’t get enough of. She turns around and fumbles with her keys as she tries to open the door, distracted as Carina sweeps her hair away from her shoulder and continues the assault on her neck, her hands resting unceremoniously on her ass.

For the first time in weeks, Maya is glad that Andy moved out, knowing that the apartment will be theirs without interruption.

The door opens and they fall breathlessly inside. Maya kicks the door closed and immediately bolts it. Carina’s hands are on her before she has chance to offer her a drink, her fingers making quick work of unbuttoning Maya’s shirt. It is soon hanging loose and Carina’s hands are roaming her body freely, discovering every curve and every dimple. She lets Maya walk them down the corridor except her impatience is out of control now and she can’t help but push Maya up against the wall, desperate to close the gap between their bodies. Carina kisses her deeply, before her lips make their descent down Maya’s neck, pausing every now and again when she finds a sweet spot. Her knee travels up Maya’s thigh and she smiles against her skin when she hears Maya moan happily, feels the firefighter’s fingernails rake against her scalp before she grabs fistfuls of her hair.

Maya tugs at her hair until Carina lifts her head so that their lips can meet again. She feels Maya pulling at her top and loosens her grip of Maya’s body, allowing Maya to pull it off her body.

“Fuck,” Maya says, the word falling out of her mouth as her eyes sweep up and down Carina’s body. She blushes with embarrassment.

Carina rests both hands against the wall, either side of Maya’s shoulders, and leans in close until her nose rests against Maya’s. Their frantic movements ease for a moment as they take each other in. Maya runs her hand over Carina’s stomach, her skin soft to touch.

“God, you’re hot,” Maya says breathlessly.

Carina grins. “Says you,” she says, catching Maya’s bottom lip between her teeth and biting down gently.

“What’s Italian for ‘come to bed with me’?”

“Vieni a letto con me,” Carina answers. She says something else in Italian and Maya has no idea what it means, but it sounds sexy and the way Carina is looking at her make her legs go weak.

She cups her hands around Carina’s face and kisses her gently. Her skin tingles and she can’t wait any longer. She pushes herself forwards and grabs Carina’s hand, dragging her into the bedroom. Carina’s body is pressed against her back, her hands around her waist, fingers digging into her abs. She whispers in Italian into Maya’s ear, her voice low and sultry. Maya spins in her arms, her lips searching desperately for Carina’s.

She’s pretty sure she’s never going to get tired of kissing this woman.


	5. A Risk Worth Taking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is so stubborn, her heart has an argument with her head every time it wants to beat.  
> \- Catherynne M. Valente

Maya jumps off the engine and makes her way towards her office, keen to dump her gear and get into the gym to shake off the frustrations of their last call, only she is stopped in her tracks by Andy’s constant sniping.

“Everything is the Captain’s fault, good or bad. That’s the job. The job you wanted, the job you fought for, _the job you took_!” Andy spits bitterly.

Maya’s had enough and spins around. “That’s right, it’s the job I _took_!” she shoots back, her voice raising in retaliation.

She looks around at the team, anger bubbling to the surface. “You have all been disrespectful and insubordinate. You have questioned every single one of my decisions which cost us lives and cost us time.”

Maya turns her eyes on Andy. “You don’t like that I’m your boss now, request a transfer.” She looks back at the team. “But every single one of you needs to get in line or get the hell out of my station, are we clear?”

Silence falls as they all take in her words and Maya waits for the fall out.

Vic is the first one to respond. “Yes Captain,” she says. She actually looks impressed.

Travis and Jack follow in their acquiescence. Maya looks at Andy, who nods in defeat.

“Herrera, contact Rigo’s wife.”

Maya knows it’s the coward’s way out to get one of her team to do it, but she’s feeling spiteful after Andy’s attack.

“Gibson, try to get me an update. The rest of you, get back to work!” she barks before making her way to her office.

Maya pushes the door closed with force and shuts the blinds, her hands shaking as she pulls the cord. Her heart is beating fast and she inhales deeply, trying to steady her breath. She lets out a quiet groan of frustration, closing her eyes and resting her forehead on the cool glass.

How did her day start off so good and end so badly? This morning she had woken up with Carina’s body curled up against her; her breath warm on her neck and her hand resting on her thigh as she slept. Maya thinks about that first morning kiss that quickly turned into something more, not even bothering to rid themselves of their tank tops before Carina had disappeared under the sheets.

Twelve hours later and that feeling of ecstasy has gone. Her shoulders are tense, her body full of anger and annoyance, and she feels a sharp pain travel up her neck and into her head. She rubs her temples, willing the headache to go away.

She hates this. She hates the distance between herself and the team. They are supposed to be her friends, and okay, she fought for this job, but it was Sullivan’s decision, not hers. All she wants is to be able to do her job and do it well. She _can_ do it well. Why can’t they understand that?

Maya pushes herself away from the door and goes to her desk. She forgoes her visit to the station gym, preferring to hide away in her office for a while. She turns her attention to paperwork instead, knowing that she needs to write up a report about the accident but moving it to end of her task list anyway. She hears murmurings outside as the team carry out their chores and Maya feels on edge waiting for another call, knowing that the next engine ride is going to be even more awkward than the last one. 

Peace eventually falls on the station. Only the PRT is called out and it goes quiet as everyone retreats to their own space. Maya stays at her desk, glad for the solitary confinement of the captain’s office, until a knock on the door interrupts her. She looks up just as Carina walks in to her office, happy and breezy – a far cry from Maya’s own mood.

“Hi,” Carina greets her warmly.

Maya frowns. “What are you doing here?”

Carina closes the door behind her and walks towards the desk. “I saw Warren at the hospital and he said it was a tough day, so… I brought you lasagna.”

She opens the lid to the Tupperware she’s carrying, grinning proudly; except her sweet gesture doesn’t have the desired effect as Maya feels her body tense up again.

_What exactly had Warren told her? That she’s failing? That it was her fault Vasquez got hurt? That her team hate her and her best friend isn’t talking to her?_

“You can’t just come to my work,” Maya says roughly, walking out from behind her desk.

“Warren just said…”

Maya feels her body go rigid. “Carina, you’re hot, but all we did was hook up. I don’t need a girlfriend,” she says cruelly.

Carina is visibly taken aback. “Wow. Okay, um…”

Maya can see that she is hurt and immediately regrets her harsh words, but her stubbornness stops her from saying anything.

“My apologies,” Carina says sadly, her shoulders dropping in disappointment. “It was nice meeting you then.”

Maya watches as Carina turns and walks toward the door. She knows this mistake is going to cost her, she knows that if Carina walks out of the door it will be the end of… whatever this relationship is going to be. Maya doesn’t know where this is going, but she knows it’s different from all her previous relationships and she knows that she doesn’t really want Carina to go. She feels something shift inside of her and races to the door, pushing it closed before Carina can leave.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m…”

“Rude?” Carina chides, clearly pissed.

Maya looks up at her. She feels small, and not just because Carina is wearing heels while she’s in her work shoes. Carina deserves better. Maya knows she can be an ass sometimes. She knows those walls that she has built up during her life stop her from letting people in. She doesn’t like to be vulnerable and she doesn’t like to need people; but the truth is, right now she needs someone on her side and, she’ll admit, Maya likes the thought of having Carina on her side.

“Broken,” she admits.

Carina pauses and Maya wonders if her apology is enough to get her to stay, but Carina pushes back.

“I’m not in the habit of fixing broken people,” she says, turning away from Maya to leave.

Maya’s heart sinks, defeated by her own stupidity. She opens the door for Carina. As much as she wants to beg her to stay, she isn’t going to put herself through the humiliation she knows she would deserve.

“I understand,” she says.

She is surprised when Carina hesitates. Maya looks up at her again, her eyes pleading with her to stay, even if the words don’t come. Her heart swells when Carina closes the door.

“Vieni qua,” Carina murmurs, wrapping her hand around the back of Maya’s head and pulling her in for a kiss.

It’s a soft, slow kiss – so different from the frenzy of kisses last night and this morning. Maya’s hands slip around Carina’s waist, pulling her hips closer as she walks her backwards and presses her up against the bookshelf. She has to lift herself on to the balls of her feet to contend against Carina’s high heels.

“That lasagna smells almost as good as you,” Maya says teasingly, wanting to lighten the mood.

It causes Carina to laugh and just the sound causes Maya to smile, something that only the Italian woman can seem to coax out of her these days. 

“Does it?” Carina says through a giggle, nipping at Maya’s lips before pulling her in for another kiss. Her thumbs caress her jawline before moving south and tugging at the buttons of Maya’s shirt until it hangs loose and her chest is exposed. Her lips make their down Maya’s neck and along her collarbone, her hands running over her shoulders and down her back. She spins their bodies so that Maya is pressed up against the glass, and closes the gap between them.

“I’m at work, you know,” Maya says, although she doesn’t pull away. In fact, she feels her body start to relax for the first time all day.

“Hmm.”

Maya’s hands make their way into Carina’s hair and she curls her fingers, grabbing fistfuls of dark locks and bringing Carina’s mouth up to meet hers. She feels an aching run through her body, desperate for the tenderness that Carina offers her, and moans softly as Carina leans her body weight into her once more. She feels Carina smile against her mouth and kisses her harder until they break apart breathlessly.

Carina’s eyes sweeping over Maya’s face. She sees the frown lines that linger on her forehead and her good mood fades a little, pursing her lips with concern. “Do you want to tell me about your day?” she asks tentatively, uncertain of what sort of reaction she might get.

Maya drops her gaze and shakes her head.

“You don’t wanna hear that,” she says dismissively.

“I asked, didn’t I?” Carina says. She tugs at Maya’s hips, encouraging her to share.

Maya lets out a heavy sigh and wriggles out of Carina’s grasp. She’s not very good at this, it’s alien to her to share how she’s feeling with anyone except her closest friends and especially not someone she’s only just met. Exposing herself to another person has always felt like a risk. Except when she looks back at Carina, who is watching her curiously, her usual instinct to push her away isn’t there. Instead, she walks over to her desk and perches on the edge, taking a deep breath before she talks.

“Jack slept with Rigo’s wife and they got into a fight last week when Rigo found out. I knew that Rigo was still pissed and I should have separated them, I should have stopped them from working together, but I didn’t. They told me that they could work together and I believed them.” She shakes her head in frustration. “They got into an argument on a call this afternoon and a gas cylinder exploded. And now Rigo’s in the hospital.”

“Is it bad?” Carina asks.

Maya nods. She looks up at Carina and rolls her eyes. “I’m such an idiot.”

Carina frowns. “It’s not your fault, Maya,” she says.

“I’m the Captain, it’s my responsibility,” Maya says, echoing Andy’s words from earlier. She had told Andy that she stands by her decision, and she does – but that doesn’t stop her from feeling guilty.

Carina walks over to Maya and leans back against the desk beside her, their shoulders brushing together.

“Men are stupid,” Carina says, so matter-of-factly that it cracks a smile on Maya’s face. “The only people responsible for Jack and Rigo getting into a fight are Jack and Rigo. They’re adults, there was nothing stupid about trusting them.”

Maya looks up at her. Carina’s words aren’t enough to rid Maya of her guilt, but she feels calmer in her presence than she has all day. 

“I’m glad you didn’t leave,” Maya says.

Carina smiles. “Me too.”

Maya’s eyes drop to Carina’s lips, still a little swollen from their make out session, and oh-so inviting. She sees the door over Carina’s shoulder and thinks about pulling her into the Captain’s bunk, except her empty stomach ruins the moment by gurgling loudly. Maya rolls her eyes when Carina giggles.

“Come on, let me give you a tour on the way to the beanery,” Maya says. She slides off the desk and wavers as she thinks about grabbing Carina’s hand in hers, but she doesn’t know who they will meet around the station and isn’t ready for those kind of questions from the team just yet; instead, she grabs the discarded Tupperware and tilts her head towards the door.

Carina follows her out into the reception area and into the vehicle bay. She is engaged and interested as Maya shows her around, and Maya can’t figure out if she is genuinely interested or just being polite, but it is endearing all the same. No-one is around, which appeases her because she’s not in the mood for any more friction and still isn’t ready to admit to Carina that she’s making a mess of her job.

“Fire stations really have poles?” Carina says with amusement as they pass the firepole.

“Wanna try?” Maya asks with a teasing glint in her eye.

Carina digs her teeth into her bottom lip and glances at the pole, obviously tempted. Maya grins and rests her hand on Carina’s back, nudging her towards the pole.

“There’s no-one around,” she teases, inching closer and pressing her lips to Carina’s ears. “All you’ve got to do is wrap your legs around it. And I know you’re good at that.”

“Captain Bishop!”

Maya laughs. “Go on, try it. Just don’t grip it too tight with your hands.”

Carina has a skip in her step as she launches herself on to the fire pole. Maya laughs incredulously as she slides down to the ground effortlessly. Gripping the rails, she leans over and looks down at where Carina has landed.

“You look like you’ve done that before!” Maya calls down.

Carina laughs and makes her way back up the stairs to where Maya waits for her.

“That was fun,” Carina says buoyantly.

“Want to go again?”

Carina tilts her head to one side and studies Maya. “Hmm, I think I’d rather be wrapping my legs around you instead.”

Maya isn’t sure if it’s her confidence or the lilt of her Italian accent, but every time Carina says something flirtatious, she becomes flustered. “Okay, maybe let’s eat first.”

“Is that a promise?”

They make their way into the beanery, where Carina takes charge of heating up the lasagna, affronted by the idea of using the microwave which she insists will ruin it. They settle at the table, one plate and two forks between them.

“This is vegetarian, right?” Maya asks, remembering Carina’s story from their date last night.

“Si, of course,” Carina says. “My Nonna’s recipe, it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever tasted.”

Maya smirks. “I’m not so sure about that,” she says. It’s Carina’s turn to get flustered and Maya laughs as her cheeks flush bright red.

She digs into the lasagna, her empty stomach demanding a large bite. Carina may be right, it might be the best thing she has ever tasted. A small moan of delight escapes from her.

Carina smirks. “I told you.”

She picks up the second fork and goes to take a piece of the lasagna, but Maya swats her away playfully.

“Mine,” she says jokingly.

Carina takes a bite herself. “So, am I allowed to visit you at work again?”

“If you’re going to bring me more of your Nonna’s food, then yes!” Maya says.

Carina pretends to look offended. “And I thought you wanted me around for sparkling personality.”

Maya smiles. “That too.”

Their privacy is interrupted by soft footsteps and whistling. Maya looks over her shoulder as Travis walks into the beanery.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you had company,” he says awkwardly, looking between Maya and Carina.

Maya shakes her head. “It’s fine,” she says, although she doesn’t mean it. “Travis, this is Carina. Carina, this is Travis.”

They greet each other with ‘hello’ and make pleasantries. If Travis is curious about who Carina is to Maya, he doesn’t show it.

“Where is everyone?” Maya asks.

“In their bunks,” Travis answers, as he pours himself a coffee.

No wonder the station is quiet.

“Make sure everyone eats, okay? It’s been a long day,” Maya says.

Travis nods. “Sure thing, Maya.”

His tone is kinder than his _“yes Captain”_ from earlier, and Maya shoots him a small smile as he leaves the kitchen. She looks back at Carina, who is watching the exchange. Maya wishes she knew what was going through her mind and whether the weird atmosphere is obvious. She doesn’t want Carina asking questions that she doesn’t want to answer, so she picks a new subject quickly.

“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow?”

If Carina was curious about the team dynamics, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she smiles. “I would love that.” She lifts her hand and points a slender figure at Maya. “No tacos though.”

Maya pulls a face. “I told you, tacos are great!”

Carina shakes her head. “No.”

“Come on! Come to my apartment tomorrow and I’ll show you what you’ve been missing.”

Carina grunts unconvinced, but she isn’t going to turn down another chance to spend the evening – and hopefully the night, too – with Maya. “I think I’m already starting to learn that,” she says, smiling sweetly.

Maya rolls her eyes, but secretly her heart flutters a little. She leans across the table to capture Carina in a soft kiss. Their lips have only just met when a call is announced through the speaker.

“Ladder 19, engine 19…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Maya mutters. She pulls back. “I’ve gotta run.”

Carina shoos her away. “Go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Maya knows she has to go, but she can’t help herself. She cups Carina’s face with her hands and places a quick, hard kiss on her lips before turning and running down to the vehicle bay at Olympic speed.

As she climbs into the fire truck, there’s a funny feeling in her chest and she isn’t sure what it is, hasn’t ever felt it before. She’s pretty sure it’s only there because of Carina. Whatever it is, she pushes it down, turning her focus on to the emergency ahead of her. But it’s a good feeling and one she doesn’t want to squash completely. Just thirty minutes in Carina’s company this afternoon has been enough to brighten up her awful afternoon and Maya is starting to realise that maybe opening herself up to another person – to Carina – is a risk worth taking after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a little break in posting this fic (longer than normal...!) because it's almost Christmas and I'll be focussing on writing a sickly sweet, tropey Christmas fic in time for Christmas Day. Normal, sporadic posting will resume in the New Year! Thank you for all your comments and kind words and kudos, your support means so much! <3


	6. A Change Is Gonna Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Show me all the parts of you that you do not love so I know where to begin   
> – Ava

Maya watches from her desk as the rest of her team stumble out of the building, their spirits high despite their obvious exhaustion. She can see them teasing and joking with each other as they take a left turn in the direction of Joe’s Bar, their laughter lingering in the air outside the fire station, as if taunting her. No-one asked if she would like to join them, no-one thought that she deserved to cut loose too after such an awful shift. She can build up her armour and tell herself that it’s because the team doesn’t socialise with the Captain – after all, they rarely did with Ripley or Sullivan – but it would be a lie. She knows why they didn’t invite her.

The distance between them is growing with every shift. Okay, so they have fallen in line since she yelled at them after the rocket incident, but it has only served to damage their friendship even more. She can see it in their eyes during their morning briefings and in their body language as she dolls out chores, and she can feel it when she walks into a room and everyone falls quiet.

She tries to brush it off and tell herself that things will get better, that they will find their way back to being the tight team that they once were, although she doesn’t believe it with the same confidence she once had. Pruitt had told her it _“wasn’t that complicated”_ , except it was – everything felt hard and complicated at the moment. Their team-building camping trip did nothing to improve matters and Maya hasn’t bothered to try again. She doesn’t know how – not that she would admit that to anyone.

With a sigh, Maya shuts down her computer and grabs her backpack, throwing it over her shoulders and slipping her arms through the straps. She figures that the run home will help her to shake off the uneasiness that sits heavy in her stomach.

She runs fast, her feet pounding the hard pavement, her body jolting with every step. She lets the morning air burn her lungs, her eyes stinging in the cold. On a good day, she can run it in less than twenty-five minutes, but not today. Today she feels sluggish and it takes her almost thirty minutes to get home. She takes the stairs to her apartment, wanting to avoid making small talk with her neighbour, Joe, who lingers by the elevator.

She slips out of her pumps as soon as she walks through the front door, throws her bag and jacket on the floor, and slumps on the sofa. Andy came for the last of her belongings a few days ago and Maya’s apartment has gone back to being minimalistic – neat and tidy, just how she likes it. Except she finds that she doesn’t like it, not at all.

The silence is deafening. Maya is used to being alone, but loneliness isn’t something she is used to feeling and it unnerves her. She has even started to leave the television on in the background when she is home, the banality a distraction from confronting her feelings. It helps – sometimes. She flicks on the television now, skipping through the national news to a local station and leaving the volume on low.

Her stomach growls at her. She had skipped breakfast this morning in favour of coffee and a quiet word with Finch, and her body isn’t happy about it. She doesn’t have much of an appetite and opts for scrambled eggs with toast because it’s quick and easy, and she can’t be bothered with anything fussy. It’s bland and she’s not entirely sure that the eggs aren’t a few days beyond their best, but it stops her stomach from grumbling.

When she is done eating, Maya drops her plate into the sink, along with the pans, not bothering to tidy up after herself. Instead, she jumps in the shower and cranks up the pressure. The heat is soothing and she tips her head backwards, immersing herself under the steady stream. She scrubs her body until it is raw, as if she is trying to wash away her frustrations, and stays under the hot water until the steam fills her chest and her breathing labours.

Stepping out into her bedroom, Maya chooses a fresh pair of pyjamas, ties her damp hair back into a low ponytail, and curls up into bed. Closing her eyes, she tries to empty her mind and drift into a slumber.

Sleep doesn’t come easy and she tosses and turns for a while, eventually rolling onto her back and letting the air out of her lungs with a deep sigh. She lets her body sink into the mattress and pictures herself curled up in a cloud, as if she were wrapped up in soft cotton or feathers. It is the only thing that coaxes her to sleep when she is feeling like this, only when her body finally allows her to rest, it isn’t peaceful – too many thoughts running through her mind, too many feelings coursing through her body; the frustrations of her life filling her dreams as well.

When Maya wakes, it is a little before noon. She has rolled on to her front, her face buried deep into the pillows and her legs tangled up in the bedsheets. It is a ping from her cellphone that lifted her from her light sleep and Maya reaches out, searching blindly until she finds her phone on her bedside table. She turns onto her side, facing away from the window and letting the sun warm her back.

As she presses her thumb against the home button of her phone, the screen lights up and she sees Carina’s name staring back at her. She opens the message without hesitation.

_I heard you had a tough call this morning. I wanted to check in, but I didn’t want to wake you. Are you ok? How about dinner tonight? We can try the new Thai place? xoxo_

Maya smiles at the message and immediately craves Carina’s arms wrapped around her, her lips on her neck. Between Maya’s shift pattern, which sees her sleeping at the station three nights per week, and her reluctance for sleepovers, there haven’t been many mornings like this, but those few occasions have left an imprint on Maya’s mind, bringing her comfort when she feels alone.

Maya has had casual relationships that have lasted longer than the week or two it usually takes for them to dwindle before, but none that have felt like this, and she is learning to lean into these new feelings: the kind that cause her chest to swell when she opens the door to find Carina on the other side; the kind that cause her cheeks to ache from smiling.

Her fingers hesitate over the digits of her phone as she contemplates her reply. Dinner was hours away and she is pretty sure that the stress in her body could be easily dissipated by a visit from Carina. She hits the call button and waits.

Carina answers quickly.

“Maya! I thought you would be sleeping, no?”

“I was – I just woke up and saw your message,” Maya says.

“Are you okay? I was down in the pit earlier and I heard about the accident, someone said 19 was first on scene,” Carina says, her tone sympathetic.

“Yeah. It was…“

Maya starts to say that it was fine, but it wasn’t and she knows she doesn’t have to lie to Carina about it. She’s a doctor and has probably seen worse.

“…horrible,“ she finally admits. “There wasn’t much we could do by the time we got there.”

Carina mumbles something in Italian that Maya can’t quite hear – and wouldn’t be able to understand anyway.

“I will never understand people who get drunk and then behind the wheel of a car,” Carina says crossly. “Selfish idiots.”

Maya nods at the sentiment. “Never underestimate the stupidity of man,” she says. “But listen, I didn’t call to bring the mood down.”

“You were calling to accept my date, I hope?” Carina questions.

“Yes,” Maya says. “But also, I was wondering if you could escape the hospital for a while over lunch?”

Her question is loaded and she bites down onto her bottom lips as she waits for Carina’s reply.

“Maya, are you asking me over for a sex date?”

Maya is pretty sure she can hear Carina’s smile through the phone. “Yes,” she answers resolutely. “I really want to see you right now.”

She has no qualms about making her intentions clear. This morning’s call is playing on her mind, the guilt and frustrations of her team still weighing heavily on her, and she is desperate to shake it off. Plus, Carina is hot and being in her company always makes her happy, no matter what else is going on in her life.

Carina laughs. “I want to see you too,” she says. “I can take a long lunch, as long as I’m back for a three o’clock appointment."

Maya grins. “Great. See you soon?”

“Si, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Maya ends the call and jumps out of bed, feeling lighter than she had done just moments ago. She changes into jeans and a low-cut shirt, simple but smart, and one that shows off her figure. Her once damp hair now curls around her shoulders. She doesn’t bother with make-up except for a light coating of mascara on her eyelashes and a hint of blush.

She turns her attention to the kitchen, tidying up her dirty dishes from earlier. She keeps her mind focussed on the task at hand, not letting herself be distracted by the images that threaten to fill her head – broken bodies scattered across the road; Emmett’s distress and Travis’s scorn; the team walking away from the station without a single thought of their captain. She thinks instead of Carina and how it won’t be long before her lips are on hers, her hands are exploring her body, and Maya can let go of everything that is playing on her mind.

She stacks the last of her pans in the dishwasher just as she hears a knock at the door. Her heart does that flutter thing that she has always rolled her eyes at in the past but which keeps happening every time she is in Carina’s presence. She is quick to the door and pulls it open.

“Ciao!” Carina says as she steps inside, leaving a soft kiss on Maya’s cheek.

“Ciao!” Maya returns, then pulls a face as she cringes at herself.

Carina laughs, the sound filling Maya’s apartment. It is a welcome interruption to the perpetual silence. Carina strips herself of her coat and gloves, throwing them over the back of the sofa, and holds out the small box in her hands.

“I stopped by _Little Roma_ on my way and picked up some cannoli.”

Maya tips her head to one side. “I didn’t ask you here for lunch.”

Carina smiles as she drops the box carelessly onto the sofa. “I know.”

She steps forward and wraps her arm around Maya’s waist, simultaneously pulling her closer whilst walking her backwards. Her lips are on Maya’s as she presses her against the wall, closing the gap between their bodies. She leans in, her thigh resting against the crotch of Maya’s jeans and pressing against her in just the right spot to make Maya moan.

Maya gives in to Carina’s touch. The only thing on her mind is Carina’s hands as they disappear under her shirt in search of skin. Her own arms loop around Carina’s neck, her hands grabbing fistfuls of hair as she opens her mouth and lets Carina’s tongue brush against her own. She tastes of coffee and chocolate, and Maya feels herself swoon.

Carina’s lips find her neck, her teeth grazing her skin, causing Maya’s head to roll. She lets out a contented sigh, her back arching as Carina tugs at her shirt and pulls it over her head in one swift movement. Maya finds her lips almost immediately, gathering enough strength to push herself off the wall and guide them down the hallway towards her bedroom.

Her fingers fumble with the buttons of Carina’s blouse and Maya is pretty sure that some of them fall to the ground as she tears it away from her body, but she doesn’t care. She is desperate for skin and her hands explore Carina’s body shamelessly, palms firm against her breasts as Carina makes quick work of the buttons on her jeans.

They fall through the door of Maya’s bedroom and hit the bed, the force against Carina’s calves causing her to drop down onto the mattress. She takes full advantage of it and unzips Maya’s pants, encouraging them to the floor. Maya steps out of them and kicks them to one side. She runs one hand through Carina’s hair, the other lifting her chin, and she lowers her head to press her lips against Carina’s once more. She kisses her softly, but urgently, leaning her weight forwards until Carina falls back onto her elbows.

Maya’s hands travel south, caressing Carina’s body until she finds the zip of her skirt and pulls it loose. Carina lifts her hips and shuffles up the bed as Maya’s pulls her skirt off and tosses it to the floor.

Maya’s eyes turn dark as they sweep over Carina’s almost-naked body. She rests one knees on the edge of the bed and falls forward, her hands landing on either side of Carina’s shoulders, her strong arms holding her up as she hovers over Carina’s body. Her heart races, pounding in her chest in anticipation. Her eyes drop to Carina’s lips, watching as a smirk forms across her lips. She looks up and into Carina’s eyes, which stare up at her affectionately.

“Baciami,” Carina says.

“Hmm?”

Carina slides her hands around Maya’s waist and pulls her hips downwards so that the weight of her small frame presses down on her.

“Kiss me, Maya.”

Maya smiles as she lowers her head and captures Carina in another kiss, letting her body melt into Carina’s once more.

* * * * * * * * * *

Carina slips her arm around Maya’s waist, pressing her body against Maya’s back, her thumb caressing her abs. Maya’s muscles flex under her touch and she smiles against Maya’s skin, her lips sucking and nipping at her neck and shoulder.

Maya closes her eyes and feels contentment wash over her. With one hand tucked under her head, the other reaches behind her and over Carina’s hips, her fingers sinking into the top of Carina’s thigh and pulling her closer. She doesn’t think she has ever felt this happy or content in another person’s company. Carina has been in her life for a month now yet it doesn’t feel long enough, and that excites and scares her all at the same time. She had been conditioned from an early age to believe that relationships were a distraction, that her focus should always be on achieving her next goal – another gold medal, the Olympics, her firefighter qualification, becoming lieutenant, being promoted to Captain. There was no time for relationships and so she usually kept things casual, walking away the moment she started developing feelings. 

Except, this time, Maya is not walking away. This time, she keeps going back for more, grabbing any excuse to spend more time with Carina. More dinner dates, more walks around the park, more lazy afternoons at the pier.

She doesn’t recognise herself sometimes, the woman who walks hand-in-hand along the sidewalk, the woman who embraces subtle PDAs. She wishes she could talk to Andy and Vic about it, but she can’t and it upsets her more than she will admit. They used to be so close, and Maya hates that they don’t know what is going on in her life and hates that she doesn’t know what is going on in theirs. She’s pretty sure Andy is hooking up with Jack again, and she overheard Vic telling Travis earlier that things weren’t great between her and Jackson, but they won’t talk to her and she won’t ask.

Her mind wanders back to this morning’s call. She thinks about the group of friends who met for a sunrise ride on their motorcycles, innocently riding along a quiet road when, out of nowhere, a drunk driver had come barrelling down the road behind them and sent them flying. A single, selfish decision taken by a man who had lost his own life, taken the lives of others and destroyed the worlds of the people they left behind.

Maybe that is her, too. Maybe she is the kind of person who makes selfish decisions and destroys everything she touches, she just never saw it before.

Maya tries to concentrate on where Carina’s hands are and how gentle they are with her body, but she can’t shake the thought out of her head. Her chest tightens and her body flushes with heat, and she starts to lose control of her body. She turns enough to be able to place a tender kiss on Carina’s temple, as if everything is normal, and sits up, letting the sheets fall around her. She is grateful for the cool air and concentrates on her breathing, slow breaths in and out. It doesn’t work, she can feel the anxiety building up, her body tensing involuntarily. Tears prick her eyes and she tries to blink them back.

Beside her, Carina is oblivious as she stretches out her body and sits up, cosying up to her from behind.

“Well, I’m very glad you called but I should go back to work now,” she purrs.

Maya tries to think of something witty to say in response as she feels Carina’s lips kiss her shoulder, but her mind is racing and her cheeks flush as she feels shame and embarrassment wash through her.

“I’m the truck,” is all she can say.

It makes no sense, Maya knows that, but it’s all she can think about. She can feel the tears coming as her chest aches. She doesn’t want this, she doesn’t want to break down in front of Carina, but she knows she can’t stop it from happening.

Next to her, Carina’s brow crinkles in bemusement. “I’m sorry, I’m not very good at American idioms.”

“I’m the truck,” Maya repeats, overwhelmed by everything she is feeling. “I’m… I’m… I’m…”

She struggles to explain it. She feels Carina’s hand on her back and it’s the smallest comfort as she feels panic spread through her body.

“I’m the truck that drunkenly ploughed into Station 19 and destroyed an entire family.”

Carina doesn’t understand, but her heart sinks as she watches Maya dissolve into tears, everything about her body language screaming anguish. This wasn’t how she expected their lunch time tryst to end and she isn’t sure what to do, doesn’t know how to comfort her. She barely knows her, really.

“Hey… hey,” she says, brushing her hand over Maya’s hair.

“I’m the truck, I’m the…” Maya says again, her voice reducing to barely a whisper as she gives in to her emotions entirely.

Whatever is going on, Carina’s first instinct is to pull Maya close. Maya falls back against her chest and Carina wraps her arms around her as she falls apart.

“Hey,” Carina murmurs, tightening her grip and pressing her lips against Maya’s cheek, her nose nuzzling her cheek. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

She lets Maya cry. She doesn’t try to stop her but just tries to keep her calm as her breath hitches and her body shakes in her arms. Maya doesn’t mention the truck again, she doesn’t say anything ] as she gasps for breath in between sobs.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Carina whispers into her ear. She rocks her gently back and forth. “You’re okay.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Maya says breathlessly.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Carina says tenderly. 

Maya twists towards her, burying her face into the crook of Carina’s neck as the tears flow. She can’t stop them from falling and gives up trying. It’s too late now. She cries until her body sags in exhaustion and until her eyes grow heavy. She can feel Carina’s hand in her hair, can smell her perfume mixed with sweat, and she tries to focus on that to take her away from her own thoughts and feelings. It works, and she feels her body grow calm, finally letting her exhaustion win.

Maya wakes two hours later. She is curled up in bed, alone – the sheets pulled up over her body and one arm looped around a pillow. She opens her eyes slowly and squints through the sunshine that lights the room. Her head is sore, her eyes are dry, her cheeks are tight and puffy, and she wonders what kind of hangover this is – until she remembers.

She groans in embarrassment as she remembers falling apart in Carina’s arms and crying until she had run out of tears. Her stomach twists into knots at how angry she feels at herself for being so weak and vulnerable. She sits up wearily and runs her fingers through her hair, suddenly aware of how quiet it is. She turns her head towards the door, listening for any sign of life in her apartment, and realises that she is on her own.

Of course she is. Why would Carina stay after that? 

Maya drops her feet to the floor and, as she twists her body, she notices a fresh glass of water by her bed and a folded up piece of paper, which turns out to be a sheet from a prescription pad. Her name is written on the front in neat, cursive writing. Curious, she reaches for it and opens the page.

_Maya –_

_You needed to rest and I had to get back to the hospital, but I’ll come by later with takeout._

_Drink the water, you’ll be dehydrated._

_Rest easy._

_Carina xoxo_

Maya reads the note three times, each time trying to read behind the words and figure out what Carina made of it all. She has no idea, but she wouldn’t blame her if Carina’s offer of takeout is simply to soften the blow before she dumps her. Maya starts to crumple the paper, but she stops herself, instead folding it neatly and holding it in her hand. Maybe she’s being unfair – or maybe her relationship with Carina is just another thing she has ruined.

Carina is right about the water and Maya is grateful for it, drinking it quickly to replenish her body. It’s a little after four o’clock and she thinks about going for a run, unsure how else to spend the next few hours before Carina is supposed to come back – _if_ she comes back. Maya isn’t even sure she wants her to come back, feeling torn between wanting to feel Carina’s arms around her once again and not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. Maya doesn’t know what she will say, she has never let anyone see her like that, not even her family or closest friends.

She is not very good at talking about her feelings. Exercise has always been her therapy, so she commits to her run as a distraction. She changes into her running gear and slips on her sneakers, hitting the pavement and letting her mind concentrate on her movements – one foot in front of the other. With her mind clear, Maya lets herself be guided by her heart instead and tries to trust it instead of listening to what her head tells her.

Her heart tells her that the job isn’t worth it if it alienates her from her friends. Her heart tells her that she wants Carina to come back so that she can convince her that she’s not completely broken.

Most of all, her heart tells her that wants Carina to stay, when so many others have left.


	7. Something On The Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret to love is in opening up your heart   
> – James Taylor

Carina waits until Maya is still and calm before she moves. The firefighter becomes a dead weight against her chest and Carina is pretty sure she has fallen asleep. Her right arm has grown numb and she shakes it, encouraging it back to life, before she shifts her body to one side and slowly coaxes Maya’s body down onto the bed. Her cheeks are red and her face is contorted into a frown, despite her slumber, and Carina is reminded of the first time they met – when she had been so curious to know why such a pretty face looked so downcast.

She has known that something hasn’t been right in Maya’s life since they met, noticing Maya’s deflection when she asks too many questions about her work and sensing a strange atmosphere when – Travis, was it? – had entered the kitchen that day she had visited Maya at work. Carina has never dug any deeper. After all, it has only been a month and it’s been full of dinner dates and amazing sex, but she knows they have both been keeping things casual. It isn’t the kind of relationship for deep conversations – at least, not yet.

Comforting Maya, as she had what Carina is pretty sure was a mild anxiety attack, was not exactly casual and she surprises herself at how much she wants to stay and take care of her, when in the past her first instinct would have been to get the hell out of there. She has enough broken people in her life already – her brother, her father – that she doesn’t need any more; she had told Maya this that day in her office when Maya had pushed her away, giving Carina the excuse to walk away. Yet she had stayed anyway, drawn to this woman who was a constant contradiction – strong, yet broken; confident, yet vulnerable.

She pulls the duvet up the bed, followed by the blanket, making sure that Maya is fully covered. She looks small, curled up in bed in a tight ball, and Carina places a soft kiss on her temple. She hears Maya exhale and Carina hopes that her rest will be peaceful. She can tell from the dark circles under her eyes that she has not slept enough lately.

Carina slides out of bed and retrieves her clothes from the floor, dressing as quietly as possible so as not to disturb Maya. She hunts around her room for a scrap of paper, but Maya keeps her apartment so neat and ordered that finding a notebook is impossible without rooting around her belongings. She resorts to using her prescription pad, stepping out of the room and digging it out of her bag that had been discarded on the sofa earlier. She scribbles a note, pours a glass of water, and creeps back into Maya’s bedroom, leaving the items on the bedside table and hoping that Maya notices them when she wakes.

It is a short drive back to the hospital and she arrives with minutes to spare just before her three o’clock appointment. Her mama-to-be is already waiting for her, settled in the chair opposite her desk and tapping her foot on the floor impatiently.

“You’re late.”

“It’s two fifty-seven,” Carina objects as she hangs her coat up on its usual hook and slips into her lab coat.

“You’re late for you,” Amelia counters back, her annoyance obvious. “I’ve been here for ten minutes.” Carina is the most punctual person she knows, except for Maggie perhaps, and what Amelia would call on time, Carina would call late.

Carina lets it slide. She knows why Amelia is wound up tightly like a spring and doesn’t push back. She sits down in her chair on the opposite side of the desk and shoots her a conciliatory look.

“I’m sorry, Amelia,” Carina apologises. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

She turns to her computer and types in her password, opening up Amelia’s records and pulling up the most recent update. She already knows what it says.

“Well?”

“The results of the paternity test confirm that Link is the father of your baby,” Carina says, getting straight to the point.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Amelia, I’m sure,” Carina says with a small smile, spinning the screen so that Amelia can read the results for herself.

Amelia looks at the screen, her expression staying the same, which confuses Carina.

“This is a good thing, no?”

She has been one of Amelia’s few confidants in the recent weeks and had encouraged Amelia to agree to Link’s request for a paternity test, knowing that everyone involved would rest easier when they knew the answer to the burning question – even if the answer was one they did not want to hear. Carina knows how crazy Amelia is about Link and how much she wants him to be the father, and she is glad to be able to finally deliver the good news that Amelia has been avoiding for the last couple of weeks. At least, she thought she was delivering good news – but Amelia’s expression makes her doubt it.

“Yeah… no… maybe,” Amelia says non-committedly.

“I thought this is what you both wanted?” Carina questions, leaning back in her chair and looking at Amelia curiously.

“It is,” Amelia says. “It’s just…”

Carina doesn’t say anything. She knows Amelia well enough by now to know that she needs a moment to process her thoughts before she can explain them out loud.

“Link’s going to be so happy. He’s going to tell me that he loves me and he wants us to be a family, but…”

“But?”

“But… how do I know he loves _me_ , and not me as a package with this baby?”

Carina smiles sympathetically. “Amelia, don’t try to guess what Link is thinking. Talk to him. Tell him what worries you. Let him inside your head, your life. If you’re going to raise this bambino together, if you’re going to be a family, you have to be honest with each other.”

“That sounds like something Maggie would say,” Amelia mutters.

Carina chuckles and lets the issue rest, knowing not to push Amelia any more while she is still processing everything. “Are you feeling well otherwise? Eating healthy, getting enough sleep?”

“Hmph,” Amelia grunts, rubbing her bump. “I’d sleep better if he didn’t insist on playing football with my womb every night at midnight. But yes, I’m doing fine.”

“Good,” Carina says. “I have you booked in for another scan in a couple of weeks.”

Despite all the signs of a normal, healthy pregnancy, Carina has taken every precaution with this pregnancy, not only to make sure that it didn’t end in tragedy like Amelia’s first one had, but also to give Amelia the comfort that she needs to know that history won’t repeat itself.

“Thank you,” Amelia says. “For everything.” She has had Carina’s support ever since that day in this same office when she had realised that she was pregnant and has been happy to get to know her better over the last few months. After all, she owes Carina, and her study, her life. “And sorry, you know, for being grumpy when you first got here.”

Carina waves her hand, batting away the apology.

It’s Amelia’s turn to be curious. “Where were you, anyway? The nurses couldn’t find you.”

“I was taking a late lunch,” Carina says, purposefully evasive.

Amelia grins knowingly. “Huh. What’s her name?” she grills. “Or his name.”

Carina rolls her eyes. “Amelia…”

“Come on, I’m starved of gossip right now,” Amelia begs.

“My love life is not gossip!” Carina laughs.

“Ha! You said _love_ life,” Amelia catches, grinning triumphantly. “Come on, spill!”

She pouts until Carina relents.

“Her name is Maya. We’ve been seeing each other for about a month,”

Amelia’s mouth twists thoughtfully, not recognising the name. “She works here?”

Carina shakes her head. “She’s fire captain at Station 19.”

It takes a moment for Amelia to connect the dots. “With Warren? Great, so now I know who to hit up for more information, since you’re clearly keeping this one close to your chest!” she says.

“Amelia!”

Amelia laughs and Carina decides to let her tease, glad to see her relax a little.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Carina says.

“Really?” Amelia looks at her suspiciously.

Carina is tempted to say more, to tell Amelia what really happened this afternoon and unload her thoughts on someone else for a change, but she knows it would be unfair on Maya – and she isn’t really sure how she feels anyway. Thankfully, she doesn’t have the chance, as she is saved by her pager as it vibrates aggressively against her desk.

“I have to go,” Carina says, grateful for the interruption.

“Fine, but we’re not done with this conversation,” Amelia says as pushes herself to stand up.

“Fine,” Carina repeats, knowing that she will be under scrutiny the next time they meet for lunch.

A complicated birth distracts Carina for the rest of the afternoon. She checks her phone every now and again to see if Maya has been in touch, disappointed each time to find her message notifications empty. She thinks about sending her a message, but doesn’t want to wake her if she is getting some much needed sleep, so she resists the urge.

She leaves the hospital later than she wished, a little after seven o’clock. She figures she’ll stop by Enzo’s on the way to Maya’s apartment and pick up some of the risotto that she keeps telling Maya she should try.

Their time together is usually so easy. She has noticed that Maya carries tension in her body, which Carina has always thought comes from having such an intense job, and Carina loves to be the reason that tension melts away. In those moments, Maya relaxes completely and becomes softer and playful, and she has a dry wit that makes Carina laugh.

Carina wants to be able to take that tension away now, whatever it is that is causing her so much pain.

She is her own world as she walks and doesn’t notice the hunched figure loitering in the dark outside the hospital until she bumps into him, their shoulders knock together forcefully.

Andrew’s eyes light up when he sees her.

“Carina!”

He steps into the light and Carina is immediately alarmed by his appearance. His skin is pale, his eyes are wild, and his hair is dishevelled. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Bailey’s still refusing to let me do surgery. I’m stuck on scut,” Andrew moans. “Can you talk to her? Please? Tell her I’m better, tell her that I’m ready to come back to work properly.”

“I don’t know…” Carina hesitates. His hands may have healed, but his head is still a mess. It is obvious to Carina and everyone around him – the only person who doesn’t see it is Andrew himself.

It is ironic, really. He has always berated their father for not being able to see his own illness, and now Andrew is following the same path. It breaks her heart to see him deny it and refuse her help.

“Carina, please. I’m better now. My hands are okay now, I’m going to counselling, I’ve moved home.”

Carina sighs heavily. “Andrea, you’re not well.”

She watches as Andrew reacts angrily, like he always does; his body becoming rigid as his face darkens. “Don’t start this again.”

“Please let me help you,” Carina pleads with him.

“You know, I thought I could count on you, but I was wrong,” Andrew spits.

Carina is used to him directing his anger and frustration at her these days, but it still hurts.

“You _can_ count on me,” she argues.

“You’re just like Mer, you’re just like Bailey. Everyone pretends to care, but you don’t,” Andrew says. “Just forget it.”

He spins and Carina reaches out to stop him, placing her hand on his arm.

“Let me drive you home,” Carina offers.

Andrew shakes her off angrily, shoving her arm away roughly.

“I’m going to Joe’s,” Andrew says, stalking off before she can say anything else.

“Andrea!”

He ignores her and Carina sighs as she watches him disappear into the darkness. There had been a few weeks after he had come home from the hospital and was sleeping in her spare room that things had been better, probably because of the high dose painkillers that Avery had prescribed that made him drowsy and less argumentative. As soon as his hands were better, and he didn’t need his big sister coddling him, he had moved home, despite Carina’s reservations.

She has seen a steady decline in his mental health ever since he has been out of her care and she worries about him constantly. She is glad that Bailey is keeping him out of surgery for now. She doesn’t want him to repeat their father’s mistakes.

Maya’s home is a short drive from the hospital and, after quick stop at Enzo’s for takeout, Carina arrives just before eight o’clock. A neighbour lets her through the main entrance and she makes her way to Maya’s apartment, knocking softly. She hears Maya’s footsteps grow louder and hears the click of the lock, the door opening slowly.

“Hey,” Maya greets her.

Carina is relieved to see her looking brighter than earlier, with colour back in her cheeks – although it is perhaps a flush of embarrassment.

“Hi,” Carina says, smiling at her fondly.

Maya steps back and opens the door wider, inviting her in. Carina steps inside.

“The food smells amazing,” Maya gushes, ushering her towards the kitchen.

“I went for Italian,” Carina says. “Comfort food.”

She places the food on the counter, pulling the cartons out of the bag one by one. Maya avoids her gaze as she grabs two plates from the cupboard.

“How are you feeling?” Carina asks.

“Better,” is all Maya says.

She paints a smile on her face although she can tell that Carina doesn’t buy her façade. When Carina doesn’t speak, Maya feels compelled to fill the silence.

“A little humiliated, to be honest,” she confesses.

“Don’t be,” Carina says kindly. She leans back against the counter and watches as Maya clears the table for dinner. “Will you tell me why you were so upset?”

Maya shrugs her shoulders. “I think the accident got to me more than I realised.”

Carina knows that isn’t true. _‘I’m the truck,’_ is what Maya had said, over and over again. She feels her skin prickle in frustration at having another person in her life who won’t let her in.

“Maya please – talk to me?” Carina urges her.

She can see Maya on edge, sees her body stiffen just as Andrew’s had earlier.

“Carina, really, I’m fine. I was tired and emotional, and everything got to me. I just needed some sleep, that’s all.”

Carina watches as Maya puts the plates on the table, fussing with the place settings to avoid talking. She thinks back to her conversation with Amelia earlier this afternoon, about how she had urged Amelia to talk to Link and share how she was feeling. Maya knows about Andrew’s hands, but Carina has never told her about his probable Bipolar or how she grew up with her father battling the same disorder. She is getting to know Maya slowly, but she knows enough to see the walls that Maya has built up. She recognises it in herself and she figures that if she is going to break down those walls, she should start with her own.

“My brother is sick.”

Maya’s head jerks up to look at her, a confused expression on her face.

“I thought he was better? You said Avery had cleared him for surgery.”

“He has,” Carina says. “It’s not his hands, it’s his head. He… he’s not well.”

She falters a little, not used to trusting anyone enough to talk about her family.

“I think he is Bipolar. In fact, I’m pretty sure he is. It… it’s something he gets from our father,” she explains. “He won’t get help and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Maya’s face is full of sympathy and she pulls out a chair.

“Come and sit,” she says, holding out her hand.

Carina walks towards her and accepts her hand, sitting on the outstretched chair. Maya sits in the chair next to her.

“Is this why you came to Seattle?” Maya asks.

“Bipolar can be inherited and Andrea is the same age our dad was when he started having manic episodes. I was worried about him. I wanted to be here, just in case.”

“And now he’s showing signs?”

Carina nods. “He’s always been emotional, but his moods are up and down so much at the moment. His lows are incredibly low, his highs are incredibly high. The day it snowed? He went out in the freezing cold and walked three miles to Seattle Pres and back without any gloves on his hands, and ended up with frostbite.”

Maya thinks back to that day and the way Carina had accosted her in her office. She had known that something wasn’t right, but had no idea that she was dealing with so much. She feels guilty for being so caught up with her own problems that she had not noticed that Carina was going through something so serious in her life.

“Doctor Bailey made him see a counsellor before he could return to work,” Carina continues, “but he won’t see a psychiatrist. No matter how many times I ask him.”

Carina feels tears in her eyes and looks away. She isn’t used to showing her emotions to anyone, and tries to brush it off.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset,” she says dismissively.

Maya looks at her reproachfully. “You’re allowed to be upset about this,” she says, reaching out and wrapping her hand around Carina’s, squeezing it gently. “You said your dad was Bipolar too?”

“He won’t see a doctor either, but yes I think so. He’s been manic for a long time,” Carina says. “It’s why my mom left him.”

“And it’s why you stayed?” Maya asks.

“Si. I thought I could help him. That by staying he would have a constant in his life. Except he wouldn’t listen to me either. And then…” She pauses for a moment. “When I was 17, he went to work in a manic state and spent the day operating when he was in no fit state to do so. Four people died.” She lowers her head, embarrassed by her confession, and only lifting her eyes when Maya squeezes her hand once again, encouraging her to keep talking.

“Now Andrea wants to go back to surgery and I… I’m scared for him, Maya.” She takes a deep, shaky breath. “I want to be able to help him, but I don’t know what to do. He won’t listen to me, he won’t listen to anyone. I saw him on my way out of the hospital this evening. He looked awful; he’s not sleeping, he’s angry. We got into another fight and he walked off.”

Carina lets out a heavy sigh, her hair falling forward. With her left hand still on Carina’s, Maya lifts her right hand and tucks the loose strands behind Carina’s ear, running her thumb over her skin gently. Carina presses her cheek into it, comforted by her touch.

“And you came here still? Why didn’t you go after him?”

“He won’t listen to me, not at the moment,” Carina says sadly.

She knows she has to be patient and give him the time he needs to recognise what is happening to him, but she’s not very good at it. She wants so badly for him to be okay and prays that he will get there soon. 

“I’m glad you told me,” Maya says.

Carina smiles. “I’m glad you know.” She takes Maya’s hands in hers, linking their fingers together and running her thumbs over the back of Maya’s hands to return the gesture. “Also, I wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were feeling better.”

Maya purses her lips. “My bad day at work is not what you should be worrying about right now,” she scolds lightly. 

Carina knows that she is downplaying it.

“Maya,” she says softly, leaning forwards in her chair. “I think it’s more than a bad day at work.”

Maya shakes her head, but Carina interjects before she can dismiss it as not important again.

“You can talk to me, you know? I told you about my brother because… because I trust you. I would like you to trust me, too.”

“Carina, I…” Maya starts to object, but stops when she sees the way Carina is looking at her, her face full of compassion. She takes a deep breath. “I’m screwing everything up. My team – my friends – are mad at me and I don’t know how to make things right.”

“Why would they be mad at you?” Carina questions. “Because of Rigo?”

“No. Because I got competitive and I went for the Captain’s job, and I did whatever it had to do to get it, no matter what.”

Carina doesn’t follow. “No matter – what?”

“No matter who I stepped over, no matter who I pushed past,” Maya says quietly. “No matter who I hurt. My friends. My best friend.”

“Andy?”

Maya nods. The words suddenly spill out and she tells Carina everything – how she ended her relationship with Jack so that it didn’t interfere with the possibility of promotion; how she used Andy’s grief over Ryan as a reason to surpass her in the race for Captain; the truth about the camping trip and what was going on in her life the night they had met at the bar; the training drills and scoreboards; the grumbles and the talk back. She tells her about the looks and the silent treatment and isolation.

“They’re my family and I feel like I’m losing them,” Maya says.

She feels like an idiot, telling this story as Carina is fighting her own battles in her own family. She tips her head as she looks at Carina.

“You’re a good person. You came here to keep your family together and I… I’m tearing mine apart.”

“That’s not true, bella,” Carina says kindly. “Your competitiveness is part of who you are, it’s what won you the Olympic medal, it’s what makes you a good captain. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but…”

“But?”

“But I think that you’ve forgotten what’s important.”

She doesn’t need to explain it further. For Carina, family is the most important thing.

“My dad taught me that winning was the most important thing,” Maya says. “He taught me that I should always focus on the prize. Eyes forward at all times.” A small, sad smile passes her lips. “I did that with the Captain’s job and I won.”

“And was it worth it?” Carina asks.

The question is confronting and Maya shrugs, as if she doesn’t know the answer but she does. She knows that she is proud of herself, she knows that her dad is proud of her, but she also knows that the price she has paid is too high.

“What do I do?” she asks, a little desperately.

“Well, what would make the team trust you again? What would make Andy feel like you were putting her friendship first?”

Maya looks away. She knows the one thing that is within her power to do, but she is conflicted. Maya Bishop is not a quitter. Her dad would never allow her to quit for the sake of her friendship with Andy, and she feels her body stiffen with the thought of the rage she will face from him when she tells him. Yet, it surprises her that she doesn’t care, not the way she used to place so much about her father’s opinion.

Carina sees her thinking. “You have an idea?”

“Maybe,” Maya says softly. “But I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can just quit what I worked so hard to get.”

“Is it quitting? Or is it just telling the truth?”

She lets the question hang in the air for a moment. “You’ll figure it out.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because if the prize is rebuilding your family, then I know you’ll do everything you have to do to make it happen,” Carina says.

Maya smiles. “You’re a good person,” she repeats. “Better than I deserve.”

Carina shakes her head. “That’s not true. I know that you feel like your mistakes make you a bad person, but they don’t.”

“No?”

Carina finds that she likes the way this emotional intimacy feels. Her heart beats a little harder in her chest, her cheeks burn under Maya’s gaze, and her skin tingles under her touch. “I think you’re pretty great.”

Maya smiles. “I think you’re pretty great, too.”

She tugs at Carina’s hands until she takes the hint. Carina stands momentarily and takes a small step forwards, sliding onto Maya’s lap. Maya slips her arm around Carina’s waist and rests her hand on her hip, pulling her closer. Carina places one hand on Maya’s back, while the other becomes entangled in her hair as she dips her head and kisses her. Her emotions are spent and she craves Maya’s touch and her taste to forget it all for a moment.

“Feeling better?” Carina asks when they drift apart.

“Yeah,” Maya says softly. “You?”

Carina nods. It turns out her advice to Amelia was right. Just sharing her worries about her brother with Maya had lifted some of the weight from her shoulders. Carina kisses her again, only pulling back when she hears her stomach rumble in hunger.

Maya laughs against her mouth, but doesn’t let her go, holding her body close still. “I’d say we should eat, but I think the takeout’s gone cold.”

“Then we’ll order pizza,” Carina says. “But the good pizza, not your American kind.”

“You’re such a food snob!” Maya teases.

“Hmm,” Carina says, extracting herself from Maya’s arms enough to be able to lean across the table and grab her cell phone from her bag. She pulls up the number of the best pizza delivery place in town.

“Pick your toppings,” Carina says. “But no pepperoni. And no pineapple!”


	8. Somebody To Lean On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are.  
> \- Dinah Maria Mulock

Maya pulls up outside Carina’s townhouse and steps out into the cool night air. Spring has arrived and the evenings are not as cold as they once were, but there is still a chill in the air that causes her to pull her jacket tighter around her body. She grabs the flowers and wine from the passenger seat, and slings her bag over her shoulder.

It has been three days since Rigo’s death and the guilt that Maya carries over his accident still weighs on her, despite Carina reminding her every chance she gets that it was not her fault. Maya tries to believe her, but her mind constantly takes her back to that morning in her office, with Rigo and Jack sat in front of her, when she made the decision to allow them to work together. It is a regret she knows she will live with for the rest of her life. She is still waiting for a phone call from Chief Dixon, knowing that he will enjoy another excuse to berate her, and her skin prickles just thinking about it.

Maya pushes the thoughts from her head, not wanting to ruin another date. She is ready to leave that guilt behind for the evening in favour of good food, good company and good sex.

She waits for an oncoming car to pass before stepping into the road and crossing to the sidewalk on the other side. Carina’s townhouse looms tall. They don’t spend much time here, their nights together usually spent at Maya’s apartment. Carina always complains that her house too big for one person, but Maya loves it – it is cosy and homely, eclectically decorated with Carina’s mementos from around the world.

Maya walks the few steps up to Carina’s front door, faltering when she hears raised voices inside. Panic rushes through her initially, and she steps forwards, straining her ears to hear what is going on. As she raises her hand to bang against the door, she realises that she can’t understand what is being said, quickly followed by a realisation that the reason she can’t understand it is because the shouting is in Italian – and that narrows down Carina’s sparring partner to just one person.

The panic subsides and is quickly replaced with empathy. Although Maya doesn’t know what they are arguing about, she catches Carina using the word _“impossibile”_ , which isn’t the first time that she has heard Carina describe her brother in that way.

Maya steps back, unsure what to do. The argument sounds serious, their tones angry and frustrated, and part of her wants to go barging in to calm them down; but she also knows from recent experience that keeping their feelings inside could do them more harm than good.

As she hesitates, she is taken by surprise as the door flies open, almost hitting her in the face. Andrew storms out, brushing past her with such force that the heads of the flowers she is holding drop to the ground. Maya is knocked backwards and she stumbles as she tries to regain her balance, losing grip of the wine bottle. She hears it smash as it hits the decking and looks down, watching as the red liquid splashes by her feet and stains the bottom of her jeans.

“Hey!” she calls out instinctively, although she is pretty certain that Andrew doesn’t hear her.

Carina appears at the door, clearly agitated. “Andrea!” she yells after him.

Andrew ignores her and Carina watches helplessly as he jumps onto his motorbike and speeds away. Her eyes prick with tears and she runs her hand through her hair, shaking her head in desperation. Maya isn’t even sure that she has noticed her, so she drops what remains of the flowers on to a nearby ledge and steps forward cautiously, avoiding the broken glass and placing a hand gently on Carina’s arm so as not to startle her.

“Hey,” she says softly.

Carina looks towards her, her eyes vacant as her mind is filled with worry and anxiety.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

Carina shakes her head. “He… God, Maya, I’ve never seen him this bad. He completely lost it at work. He yelled at a patient’s family, he yelled at Doctor Bailey...”

Her hands are shaking and she curls her fists, rubbing the back of her hand across her wet cheeks. Maya steps towards her and slides her arm around Carina’s waist, running her hand up and down her back. She notices Carina shiver in the cool night air.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” Maya suggests. “It’s getting cold out here.”

“No. No,” Carina says, suddenly pulling away. “Andrea, he’s… I have to go after him.”

She walks back into the house and grabs her car keys from the bowl she keeps by the door. Maya holds out an arm to stop her, surprised at the glare that Carina shoots at her and trying not to take it personally.

“Carina, he’s gone,” Maya says gently.

“I have to find him,” Carina says stubbornly. “He’s manic, he’s going to kill himself out there!”

Maya can see that she is not going to change Carina’s mind and knows that trying to stop her will only stress her out more. Instead, she puts her (metaphorical) Captain’s cap on for a moment, trying to figure out a plan that will diffuse Carina’s anxiety.

“Okay,” she says calmly. “But you can’t just go out there blindly, so let’s just take minute, okay? Where would he go?”

“I… I don’t know. Up to Hamilton Viewpoint, perhaps? He takes his bike along the west coast a lot.”

“Well, let’s start at Hamilton, and if he’s not there we’ll try the other viewpoints,” Maya says. She reaches out a hand and takes the keys from Carina. “But we’ll take my car, okay?”

Carina thinks about saying no, thinks about rejecting Maya’s help and protecting her baby brother from any more judgement from people who are not family. Except this is Maya, and Carina is overwhelmed by the need to lean in and trust her – so she does.

“Okay,” she says. “Thank you.”

Maya smiles gently and leans in, placing a soft kiss on Carina’s cheek. “Grab a jacket and let’s go.”

They drive in silence, not even the sound of the radio playing in the background to soften the mood. Maya can feel the tension that exudes from Carina’s body and she prays that their search is successful, for Carina’s sake as much as Andrew’s. She had seen the wild look in his eyes as he had barged past her and it scared her too. He had driven off at such a dangerous speed that the slightest bump in the road could send him toppling off his bike and who knew what kind of damage he would do to his body if that happened – if he survived at all.

She doesn’t voice her concern. She knows she doesn’t need to, she knows that Carina is thinking the same thing. Maya looks across at her every now and again, but Carina keeps her eyes keenly on the road. She can’t stop fiddling with her hands, a nervous twitch that Maya wishes she could ease. She drives as fast as she can, but keeps to the speed limit so as not to attract the attention of the cops. 

There is no sign of Andrew at Hamilton Viewpoint, so Maya joins the coastal road and heads south. They pull over at every park and every viewpoint in the hope that they will find Andrew, but they never do. They call his name, they ask strangers if they have seen him, they even search the dirt looking for track marks from his bike. Nothing they do leads them any closer to finding him.

By the time they reach Lincoln Park, it is almost ten o’clock and Maya can feel Carina becoming more frustrated and more frightened with every unsuccessful search.

“Maybe we should head yours – or Andrew’s place?” Maya suggests. “Maybe he went home?”

Carina waivers and Maya knows she is torn between continuing her search and hoping she will find Andrew safe at home. Maya isn’t convinced that driving around aimlessly is going to help them find him, but she doesn’t have any better suggestions and she knows Carina needs solutions not problems right now.

“I… I don’t know,” Carina says, shaking her head desperately.

“Is there anywhere else he might go? Any friends he might visit?”

“I don’t know!” Carina cries, irritated by the questions that she can’t answer. She takes a deep breath, but her heart races, too riled up to be calm while her brother is missing. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Maya sympathises. “Look, why don’t we go back to Andrew’s place? We can retrace our steps, stop at the viewpoints on our way home?”

Carina sighs again, but nods in agreement.

Maya reaches out and grasps her hand in hers. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”

She means well, Carina knows that, but her words are empty right now. She rolls her eyes and lets out a sad laugh. “How? How is it going to be okay? Even if we find him, it’s not going to be okay! He’s sick, Maya. He’s sick and there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s sick and I couldn’t stop it.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she breath becomes hitched as her face crumples. “Maya, what if we don’t find him? What if… what if he’s…”

She can’t finish the sentence and Maya knows why.

“Oh – hey,” Maya says softly. She has never seen Carina cry before, not like this, except for the kind of tears that fall at the end of a sad film. Maya pulls her close and wraps her arms around her, rising onto the balls of her feet to lift herself up a little. Carina resists at first, but Maya only holds her tighter until Carina gives in to her emotions and begins to sob into her shoulder. Maya runs her hand over her hair soothingly.

“We’re going to find him,” Maya says, trying to sound more confident than she feels. “And I’m going to stay with you until we do, okay?”

She feels Carina start to calm down and keeps her close in a tight embrace. “We’ll find him.”

Carina sighs against her. “How are you so sure?”

Maya pulls back, wearing a gentle, placating smile on her face. “Because he’s your brother. And I know you won’t stop until you do.”

Carina nods as Maya gently wipes the last of her tears from her cheeks.

“Eyes forward, okay?” It’s a mantra that has always got Maya what she wants. 

Carina lets Maya guide her back to the car and she climbs into the passenger seat. Her chest feels tight, her limbs heavy with grief as she worries about what sort of trouble Andrew could be in right now. She thought that by being in Seattle when the inevitable happened would mean that she could protect him from what happened this afternoon, that they would weather the darkest moments together and he would never experience the kind of breakdown that he’d had today. She feels like she has failed him. She wishes she could just wrap him up and keep him safe, like when they were children and the storms would come. Andrew hated the crash of thunder and would creep into his sister’s room in the middle of the night, seeking her comfort. He would climb into bed with her and she would pull the blankets up over their heads, using a flashlight so that she could read his favourite stories to distract him. The soothing lilt of her voice would soon lull him into a sleep and she would wrap her arms around him, the warmth of his small body sending her to sleep as well, despite the raging storm outside.

It has been a long time since he has accepted her arms around him. This afternoon, he had shrugged her off, the venom of his words hurting her as he had reacted angrily to every offer of help that she and Bailey and Meredith had made. She had sat dumbly in Doctor Bailey’s office, unable to stop him from throwing his career away and storming out. Meredith had appeared a few moments later without good news. Carina had caught up with him at Joe’s and somehow persuaded him to come home with her, but that had soon descended into another argument as she had tried once again to get him to agree to see a doctor. Every plea ended the same, with Andrew denying that he was sick and arguing that he was nothing like Vincenzo DeLuca, despite everything they have seen and everything they have been through with their father. Their arguing had turned into a screaming match, with Carina trying everything she could to get him to listen – anger, guilt, even bribery – but nothing had worked and he had stormed off into the night on his motorcycle.

Maya calls them ‘donor cycles’ and Carina usually defends them, telling her that most motorbike owners are careful and it’s other road users who are the danger. Not tonight, though. Tonight, the danger is Andrew.

She tips her head and looks out of the passenger seat window as Maya drives steadily north, back to where they came from. She stares out at the sea and watches the gentle ripples of the waves under the moonlight. She knows she should be looking out for Andrew’s motorbike, and she is, but she also lets the movement of the water soothe her a little.

She feels a gentle squeeze of her thigh as Maya reaches out to her and Carina turns her head to look at her. Her eyes are focussed on the road except for a small glance over her shoulder towards Carina.

“Are you doing okay?” she asks softly.

“Yeah,” Carina says. She places her right hand over Maya’s and links her fingers through hers, surprised at how such a small gesture can bring her so much comfort.

Carina has never let anyone into her life and her family like this. She has always kept people at arm’s length, usually moving on before things got too serious – telling herself that she prefers to have the freedom to live her life on her own terms, but at the same time sometimes feeling envious of those around her who seemed so happy in their charming, settled lives. She had tried it with Arizona, but failed, and figured it was a sign that her free spirit means she will only ever find the right person in the moment – never the right person forever. Except now, she is starting to think that maybe she has been wrong all this time, that she can still have the freedom she craves with the right person. There are moments that she thinks Maya might just be the right person.

She didn’t see it coming when they met at Joe’s bar, but it was a good sort of surprise. Thinking back to that night makes her smile, but also jolts her memory.

“Are you the older sister?” Carina asks out-of-the-blue.

“Hmm?”

“The night we met you told me that you have a brother, but you didn’t tell me if he was older or younger,” Carina explains.

“Oh,” Maya says, a little taken aback by the question. “He’s younger by eighteen months.”

“You said you’re not close. Why not?”

Maya seems rattled, to Carina’s surprise. She extracts her hand from Carina’s, placing it on the steering wheel and keeping keeps her eyes keenly on the road in front of her.

“It’s complicated,” she says.

Her tone is dismissive, but Carina’s curiosity is piqued and she is in the mood to talk about something other than Andrew for a moment.

“Does he live in Seattle?”

“I don’t know, I think so,” Maya says.

Carina frowns. “You don’t know where he lives?”

Maya sighs and Carina realises she has pushed her a little too hard for some reason. She is about to apologise for probing too much when Maya speaks.

“The last time I saw him, he was living in a homeless camp under one of the bridges in the park. When I went back to see him, he’d gone and I haven’t seen him since. That was almost two years ago, so no, I don’t know where he lives.”

The car is quiet for a moment, except for the hum of the engine, as Maya’s words hang in the air between them.

“I’m sorry, that’s sad,” Carina says finally.

She studies Maya’s face and sees the frown line that crinkles her forehead, something Carina has seen before and she knows it is a sign that Maya is struggling with her feelings about it.

“Do you miss him?”

“Sometimes,” Maya admits. “I mean, we were never that close growing up. I had my running and our dad was so focussed on helping me train that Mason got forgotten. By the time we – I – realised that, it was too late.”

 _‘Too late for what?’_ Carina wants to ask, but there is something about the way Maya sounds that stops her.

“Do you ever think about looking for him?” Carina asks.

“Of course,” Maya says. “I keep an eye out for him when we’re out on calls, but I don’t think he wants to be found. At least, not by me.”

“Families are complicated, huh?” Carina says.

Maya laughs, but not in a good way. She laughs in a way that makes Carina think that there is more to the story than Maya is willing to share right now. She doesn’t ask any more questions and rolls her head against the headrest so that she is facing forwards, returning her concentration to the search for Andrew, her eyes scouring every side road and car park they pass for his bike.

The car falls silent again – until Carina’s cell phone buzzes in her lap. The number on her screen is unknown and her stomach turns at the thought of who might be on the other end. She answers the call tentatively.

“Hello?”

Maya can only hear a muffled voice on the end of the phone, but takes it as a good sign when Carina exclaims, _“oh, thank God,”_ – her demeanour one of relief, rather than devastation. She pulls into the next turnout and listens to Carina’s side of the conversation, trying to pick up on what is happening.

“Okay, thank you, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Carina says, before hanging up the call.

“Andrew?”

Carina nods. “He was pulled over by the police in Tacoma for speeding. They’ve charged him, but won’t release him because of his mental state. They said they gave him two options: hospital or family, so I guess he chose me.”

“That’s good, right? I mean, at least he’s okay and he’s safe,” Maya says.

Carina only nods.

Maya grabs her own phone and pulls up the co-ordinates of the Tacoma police station, punching the details into her navigation system.

“The sat nav says forty-five minutes,” she notes. “Hang in there, okay.”

She does a u-turn back onto the road and they head south to Tacoma. It is Carina who turns on the radio, flicking through the stations until she finds one that plays some generic pop music that neither of them recognises, but which drowns out their own thoughts for a while.

It is a little after 11.30pm when they arrive at the police station. Maya pulls into the first parking space she can find.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Carina pauses. It feels rude to exclude Maya after she has done so much to help find her brother, but she knows her presence in the police station might agitate him.

“It’s okay,” Maya says, noticing her hesitation. “I’ll wait here. Just call me if you need me?”

Carina nods and leans across the car to kiss her cheek. “Thank you, bella.”

She jumps out of the car and heads inside. The police officer at the front desk looks at her with overwhelming sympathy and it makes Carina nervous, her stomach in knots as she wonders what kind of state Andrew is going to be in when she sees him. It takes about ten minutes for the paperwork to be processed and Carina arranges for his bike to be collected on another day. To be honest, she doesn’t care if she never sees it again, but it’s not a fight she wants to have with her brother today.

Andrew is escorted to the front desk a few moments later, flanked by two burly-looking police officers. Carina expects him to struggle against their grip but he is calm and submissive, and she worries for a moment that they have sedated him.

He shuffles forward and looks up at her, and her heart sinks as she realises that his mood has flipped from manic to depressive. His skin his pale and his eyes are bloodshot, and he looks like he has no fight left in him.

“Oh, il mio fratellino,” Carina says softly.

She nods her thanks to the police officers and reaches out to her brother, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. He doesn’t push her away this time. Despite his height, he feels small and he curls into her as they walk side-by-side out of the building.

Maya sees them coming and steps out of the car, opening the door behind the driver’s seat. Andrew doesn’t even acknowledge her presence, but slips into the backseat under Carina’s direction.

“I’m going to sit in the back with him,” Carina says.

Maya nods. “Of course. Where do you want to go?”

“To mine,” Carina says. “I want him home with me.”

It is past midnight and, by the time they are on their way home, the roads are quiet. Andrew rests his head on Carina’s shoulder, and she can’t tell if he is awake or asleep. She holds his hands tightly, whispering to him in Italian. She repeats nursery rhymes and folklore tales from their childhood, stories that their Nonna told them at bedtime – anything that might bring him some relief.

They arrive at Carina’s townhouse just after 1am and it feels strange to be back there so many hours later. Carina takes Andrew upstairs straight away, settling him in the guest room. The bed is still made up from his last stay when his hands were healing and Carina tucks him under the covers, like she did when he was a child. She sits by his bed until the exhaustion takes over and he falls asleep, and she stays there for a while, watching him breathe in and out slowly. It is the most peaceful she has seen him for a while and she wants to hold on to the moment for as long as possible, knowing that tomorrow will bring another difficult conversation.

She kisses his temple before she leaves his room, stopping by the hallway cupboard on the way to grab a handful of spare blankets on her way downstairs. Her large open plan living area is quiet and empty, and she wonders for a moment if Maya has left until she hears her front door open. As Carina drops the blankets on to the sofa, Maya appears with a bag of broken glass in one hand and a brush in the other.

“I think I got all the broken wine bottle, but maybe don’t go out there barefoot for a while,” she says. “Is Andrew asleep?”

“Yeah, he is,” Carina says, watching as Maya dumps the bag into the trashcan. She tips her head and feels an overwhelming surge of – something – rush through her. She tells herself it is just gratitude, but she thinks it is more than that.

What was supposed to be a fun date night had turned into an evening searching the streets, and Maya had been with her the whole time. She hadn’t thought twice about jumping in the car and driving Carina around the city with no plan and no direction. 

Maya walks over at her and places her hands on Carina’s hips. “Are you doing okay?”

Carina nods. “Yeah, just tired.”

Her eyes sweep over Maya’s face and she runs her thumb over Maya’s lips, before dropping her head and kissing her softly. When they part, there is a small smile on Maya’s lips.

“What was that for?”

“To say thank you for staying with me tonight. I’m really glad you were there to help me off the bridge.”

Maya chuckles. “Talk you off the ledge? Yeah well, you’ve done it enough times for me already,” she says. She looks over Carina’s shoulder. “What’s with all the blankets?”

“I’m worried that Andrea will wake up and leave, so I thought I’d sleep on the sofa – just in case,” Carina says.

“Carina…”

“I know, I know,” Carina says. She shrugs her shoulders. “I just… he’s my baby brother.”

Maya understand it a little, although she can’t help but feel guilty at how little she has done to make sure Mason is okay, when Carina is running herself ragged trying to help Andrew.

She tugs at Carina’s hips. “Do you have a spare pair of pyjamas for me?”

Carina smiles. “Maya, it’s late and you have a twenty-four hour shift starting in…” she looks at the clock on the wall, “…six hours. You need to go home and get some sleep.”

Maya shrugs. “I’ll tell them I have a doctor’s appointment. Andy can cover for me for a few hours. Let me be here for you,” she says.

“You’ve been here for me all night,” Carina reminds her.

“Then what’s a few more hours?” Maya pushes her away teasingly. “Go find me some pyjamas otherwise I’ll be sleeping naked. And while you might be okay with that, Andrew might not be so happy about it in the morning.”

Carina laughs, her heart feeling lighter than it has all day. Twenty minutes later and they are curled up on the sofa together. Maya is on her back, propped up by multiple soft cushions. She knows that the awkward angle will stop her from falling into a deep sleep. It is a trick she has learned over the years, never resting properly when she is on shift. It means she can listen out for Andrew and let Carina sleep.

Carina is next to her, resting on her side between Maya and the back of the sofa, one arm slung over Maya’s stomach and her head resting on her chest. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she murmurs.

Maya smiles and kisses the top of her head. “Me too. Get some rest.”

Carina tries to fight sleep, wanting to stay awake in case Andrew tries to leave without telling her, but her body is tired and Maya’s arms are strong and comforting. She can’t keep her eyes open, and she feels more and more drowsy with each breath. Her mind becomes numb to everything except the soothing touch of Maya’s fingers and the warmth of her breath on her skin, and it is not long before she succumbs to a peaceful sleep.


End file.
